I enjoyed reading this and reading the comments! Especially USFGIRL86. I feel the same way about weight gain and it doesn't matter what anyone tells you its how you feel about yourself.
I also need to learn how to portion control! - 10/3/2012   3:46:40 PM

This subject really made me re-evaluate my relationship...every time I told my boyfriend i needed to lose weight, how unhappy I was, he would order my favorite unhealthy foods, follow me with cookies-things I didn't even like that were fattening- to the extent that my family noticed and mentioned it. I think he was unhappy with the way he looked, so he didn't want me to look or feel better. Ending the relationship was the best thing I ever did! Now, I'm more than 70 pounds thinner than I was with him, and will only be in a relationship with a man who will be on my side. :) - 2/28/2011   1:49:31 PM

my boyfriend supported me trough recovery from anorexia...that and his sedentary job got him his 40 pound weight gain. Thankfully he was underweight to begin with. - 7/25/2009   2:33:03 PM

Omg this is so true!! I met my boyfriend almost 3yrs ago this June and I was 130lbs. I looked good, felt good and could wear a bikini without feeling self-conscious. As of March 2008 I realized my worst fear, I was 155lbs. I gained 25lbs over the course of 2yrs!! Although I've dropped 15lbs in the past year, it hasn't helped that he keeps telling me I don't need to lose weight or I look great when I feel like I look like crap. I've had to explain to him that although he may think I look great, I don't and what I think matters more to me than what he thinks. If I don't feel good about myself, someone could tell me a million times I look incredible and I'd call them a liar. He did attempt at the beginning of the year to lose weight and used Hydroxycut to help curb his appetite. He ate somewhat healthy although sodas and sugar-sweetened tea couldn't be dropped, he lost 12lbs. Although my problem was he could've lost more if he had exercised a little harder instead of lalidaling on a walk (also known as pleasure walking) or made more of an effort to eat better rather than cutting a few things here and there. I didn't expect him to drop everything but he could've made more of an effort to lose weight rather than what he did. He also kept getting me to buy junk food which didn't help me whatsoever....opening the pantry or fridge and seeing junk food next to my healthy food....what willpower it requires to eat the healthy instead of the junk.....didn't have it and sabotaged my diet. It sucks when your partner doesn't help when you're attempting to lose weight even if they're not. Maybe hiding the junk food or not putting it right near the healthy food would help so much or maybe not buying it at all and trying to eat the healthy food that's bought. *sigh* This article is so true because so many women struggle with weight loss because their partners aren't being supportive with their actions even if they are with their words. - 4/13/2009   12:53:56 AM

Haha. It seems to work the opposite way as well - I had a recent break-up with a guy who was anything but health-conscience. He always proclaimed to be on a diet, but sat at a bar every night putting away 7 or 8 beers (he complained that he wasn't losing any weight on his "diet" when he'd "drastically" cut his beer intake - from 8 to 7 beers a night!!) and stuffing gyoza (Chinese dumplings) in his face. He also complained because he "did a lot of exercise"... he went surfing for 2 hours once a week!

Luckily I didn't follow that pattern - I made sure I drove him everywhere, so that I couldn't drink, and I made him order the healthier options on the menu because I was so kind and getting him to stick to his diet. :P

In retrospect, the break-up was one of the best things that could have happened to me, as I firmly decided that I did NOT want to be like that. Which is when I joined SparkPeople! Since he's the one who broke up with me, I'm determined to be the one to go to his bar in a few weeks, looking totally fabulous and making him regret it! Heeheehee. - 3/19/2009   2:31:46 AM

My husband is actually so thin that he set a goal to gain 50 pounds. At the same time, I was trying to lose! It was difficult to watch him gobble down a whole meatza piece while I nibbled at a veggie slice but we both made our goals eventually. So, it can be done. - 3/5/2009   7:33:00 AM

I had to teach my boyfriend, who is literally twice my size, about portions. He would serve me a little less than what he was eating, but it was still twice the amount I should be eating! He's learned to serve me on a small (dessert) plate, and has had to realize that I won't be starving afterwards like he would be. It's really difficult when I can eat 1500 calories a day and he can eat 3000! - 2/24/2009   12:48:44 PM

This hits really close to home for me. My last bf was the reason I gained so much weight, almost 20 lbs in a year. He always wanted to eat at McDonald's or the local greasy diner & drank far too much soda & alcohol. He was nasty about it if I didn't participate w/ him in his indulging. I couldn't help but be pulled in. After I'd had enough & dumped him, I went back to my old eating habits & lost 16 or so lbs in 4 months w/o even trying very hard. Then I started dating my current bf & lost 10 more lbs. (I've maintained this 26-lb loss for over a year.) He is much more health-conscious & some of our favorite activities to do together are cooking healthy meals & doing yoga. I am still overweight, though, & want to lose more, & he is supportive of my goals w/o making me feel pressured to change my appearance. I think a physically healthy partner (or one who at least desires to be) is imperative to an overall healthy relationship. If all he wants to do is sit on the couch & eat junk food, get rid of him! You don't need that extra conflict hindering your own efforts to be healthy. - 2/24/2009   11:27:33 AM

when dating my boyfriend he has the bad habit of skipping meals and then being "starving" when we go out to eat. He always wants to get two appetizers to split. I finally gave up not ordering them because this seemed to upset him. I just didn't eat much of them. I don't have to eat 1/2 of them. If he is that hungry he has no problem with eating it all. He is a gym rat and doesn't drink alcohol or sodas so this is his only vice when it comes to eating out. I just found I didn't have to participate. It has saved me a LOT of unneeded calories and fat! - 2/24/2009   8:08:30 AM

When dating my husband I got into drinking soda, something that I never did before. He is doing a lot better now at watching what he eats as we slowly work on changing eating habits. I'm working on getting him to enjoy those veggies! I'm glad that he is very encouraging when I am working to loose weight but never makes me feel like I have to. He just wants me to be happy and healthy. - 2/24/2009   6:43:41 AM

I am married to a diet disaster. My husband spreads his love through buttery recipes. I do my best with portion control. - 2/23/2009   11:35:47 PM

My fiance is Greek and nothing makes him happier than feeding me (it's in their blood, I swear). Luckily he hates processed and fake foods, and since I told him that I'm getting back in shape, he's only been making the finest and freshest that the Mediterranean has to offer, what a babe :) - 2/23/2009   10:13:25 PM

When I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, I was 60-70 lbs. less than I am now. He was part of the problem in that he hates fruits, veggies and whole grains, and loves pasta and wine. On the flip side, he's an athletics coach, knows he needs to at least support me in how I eat, has been a good source for my learning to eat smaller portions, and is *very* supportive and a great coach and partner for my exercise routine. He even brought home some whole wheat lavash bread for me to try! Thankfully he doesn't have much of a sweet tooth and the "treats" he brings home for himself don't appeal much to me. It would be better if he was 100% on board with eating like I do, but that's not going to happen. So we just need to accept that what works for us with food is different and try to respect those differences. - 2/23/2009   6:14:22 PM

When my husband and I started dating I had just gotten down to my lowest weight of my adult life- 155 lbs. My husband is very thin and at the time worked out every morning, but had the benefit of a fantastic metabolism/genes...so he could eat anything and everything in sight. My healthy weight soon began to rise and here I am 8 years later and at the start of the year was 90 pounds heavier.

I am in no way placing blame on my husband, rather I am for once taking accountability for not having the willpower to stick to my healthy eating and exercise plan 8 years ago and then just let myself slip back into all my bad habits.
I have battled my weight my entire life, and have been over weight since 1st grade....twice I have lost a great deal of weight only to slip back into my old ways.

This time is different....my husband is on board with healthy eating, and he realizes that even though he can eat just about anything and not gain weight, the things that he is eating are not good for his general and long term health. So we have been in it together this go round, I have lost over 20 lbs so far and am on my way back to that coveted 155-160 range, and my husband, who had gained maybe 5 lbs over the last 8 years, has lost that, is exercising daily and eating healthy. He has even joined in with healthy meal prep and planning which has been a great way for us to bond. - 2/23/2009   4:39:17 PM

My current boyfriend is pretty thin and never eats breakfast and sometimes lunch. But when he gets home he's always asking what's for dinner hoping that I will make something greasy like spaghetti and meatballs or burgers and fries. I try to stick to fruits and veggies and grilled meats, but it's really hard because he detests anything remotely healthy. He never gains any weight because he doesn't eat regularly, but everything he does is covered in ketchup, ranch, cheese sauce or honey garlic sauce. His spice collection only consists of premade commercial seasoning mixes. I've had a natural spice rack for the past year right on the counter and last night he said wow I didn't even know you had that. What's it for? lol I told him that I can't eat with him any more, it's just getting harder and harder to watch him eat chinese food, and pizza and grilled cheese sandwhiches. I never want them when I don't see them! - 2/23/2009   2:40:31 PM

My husband is THE dieting disaster. Except the hangup is he is not an ounce overweight. Something isn't right with our picture. I try to give our kids healthy options but they just don't compete with the cookies Dad brings home. Luckily for them, I am an authoritarian mom and I only allow sweets in moderation. Unluckily for me, I don't exercise the same discipline on myself and have gained 50+ pounds in our 8-year marriage. But I am here on SparkPeople trying to make a difference in myself and my family. Eventually, I'll get them on board too. - 2/23/2009   2:20:38 PM

The guy I'm dating is at least 50 pounds overweight. He pretended to have pretty decent eating habits for the first few weeks and then the horrible truth came out! I don't always eat healthy but I try to keep some balance. I hate seeing what he's doing to himself and he's gained 10 pounds since we started dating several months ago even though I'm always trying to gently steer him toward healthier choices when we go out, when we're at home, etc. It makes me so sad because he's a wonderful guy. :-( - 2/23/2009   12:19:17 PM

I started a new relationship and am experiencing weight gain. It is tough for me but I know I have to make some changes. I need to quit eating out and offer to make dinner instead. - 2/23/2009   11:25:27 AM

I am married to a diet disaster! He has gone from a 29 waist to a 34 since we got together. He keeps his old pants because come summer he will go back to a 30 or 32. I don't even mention diet in the house because if I do, there are bags of chips, candy, boxes of donuts, cake you name it. I think it just a security issue for them, they are afraid if we lose the weight we will leave. - 2/23/2009   11:16:10 AM

My boyfriend is HORRIBLE when it comes to eating yet he is still in really good shape and has a hard time gaining weight. We aren't living together yet and it's long distance at the moment so luckily his eating habits haven't rubbed off on me yet, but pray when we are seeing each other more regularly/lliving together that I can get him eating healthier things! - 2/22/2009   10:55:32 PM

My DH is not a diet disaster, but I have begun to limit the snacks that come into the house, and I mentioned this fabulous website I found 7.5 months ago—SparkPeople.com! It will be his decision to make the first step, but I have bought him a frozen entree from Lean Cuisine (the dinner classics size) to break the monotony of sandwiches he makes himself each day. He's also been eating more cereal during the day, too, and I think this is helping his jeans to get baggy. SparkPeople rocks! - 2/22/2009   10:37:43 PM

My husband is a major "diet disaster". throughout our relationship I've gained 85 pounds. He used to make complaints about my weight. I firmly remind him that all of the junk food in my house showed up with him, and every time he comes home with a "treat" for me he's just adding to the problem. We would fight about his insensitive comments and then he'd come home form the gas station with my favorite candy bar.

It's most difficult when I'm making dinner because I have to make 2 completely different meals. He's not a big veggie eater...in fact he's downright picky. I get grief a bit when I exercise 3hours a day, but again, I remind him of the end result.

I will not ever say I was perfect before he came along. I've had weight issues for a long time. However, I had it under control when we got together. I didn't buy chips, soda, or basic junk. If I really craved chocolate I had to make a special trip, which I usually talked myself out of...not because I was being good...I was just too lazy to go out and drive to the store!!! - 2/22/2009   2:13:16 PM

I enjoyed the article.
Thanks, Coach Nicole. - 2/21/2009   9:29:38 PM

Prior to meeting my boyfriend, I had dropped 50 lbs. I contributed it to living in the city and walking everywhere I went. I met my boyfriend and moved in with him and ended up gaining it all back and then some. I guess in the back of my head I felt like I didn't need to impress anyone but him and since he loved me for who I was, I didn't have to watch what I ate anymore. Well....we broke up a year ago, I moved back to my home state and I've lost somewhere around 60lbs!! (I never really knew what my highest weight was when I decided to start losing so I just went with what I weighed the last time I went to the Dr's and deducted from that) I would love to meet someone new but don't search as desperately as I once did. Let him come to me and in the meantime learn how to impress myself and no one else! - 2/21/2009   1:54:19 PM

After dating my thin sweetie of 8 yrs. I began to lose because I was happy. Now I'm married to him, and as I gain so does he.But now that I've decided to lose for health reasons, he is constantly gaining. - 2/21/2009   12:34:18 AM

I married my "diet disaster" that I once dated. It has been hard not to let him continue to affect my eating habits, but I am doing pretty good now. He means well, but he still tries to get me to eat like he does. He's getting used to me insisting that I eat according to my new permanent diet. Hypoglycemia has helped me get him to understand the importance of my diet change, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I only wish he would see that he needs to change his eating habits, too. - 2/20/2009   9:28:22 PM

Ya, my Hunny of 18 yrs. made me feel so happy & carefree, etc. . . . . and little by little with all the fixing him "special" lunches & dinners, etc. the 80 pounds I had lost started creeping back on - - pound by pound - - year by year.
BUT ** I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT **
He never held me down & stuffed food into my mouth. LOL :)
I slacked off on the diet-conscious way of life by myself & little by little stopped going out for long walks like I used to do, etc.

We are responsible for ourselves & our mouths.
To "explain" or "blame" some one else is whack..... doesn't make sense.
- 2/20/2009   9:19:55 PM

And then there is the opposite effect when his eating habits gross you out so much that you can't stand to eat and end up with a doctor lecturing you about losing too much weight!!! - 2/20/2009   8:03:52 PM

My DH tries really hard but his portion control is hopeless, especially with ice cream. He is very weight conscious but prefers me to be in control. When we first married I put on ten per cent of my weight and until I started SP I yoyoed all my life. Thank goodness for Spark People. - 2/20/2009   6:33:34 PM

My hubby is a total mess when it comes to food. As far as he is concerned, the there are only three food groups, and they are meat, cheese, and white starches. I finally gave up and decided to do it on my own, I basically eat meat and very light on the starch, and make myself my own salad. The kids may not be willing to eat the salad with me yet, but at least I am modelling good eating for them. :) - 2/20/2009   6:12:28 PM

Yes. I have gained about 50lbs since i met my husband. To much eating out, eating bad food, and having beer with 'his buddies'.

Trying hard to change that habit and stick to it. Trying to get us in the habit of going to the gym more often.

- 2/20/2009   5:41:13 PM

I just blogged about this the other day... I've been dating someone for a little over a month and I've gained almost 8 pounds. Now that I've recognized the issues (wings, beer, sweets) I can address them and get back on track. Who knew that dating could make you fat? :~) - 2/20/2009   3:38:43 PM

I definitely gained when I first started dating my sweetie. We ate out A LOT and we both love good (read: high fat) foods. After a close friend died suddenly of a cardiac arrest, I asked (tearfully) for him to please join me at Weight Watchers because I didn't want to risk losing him the same way. Now I'm at Lifetime (50 lbs gone) and he's gotten rid of 35+ lbs and he now understands what my lifestyle changes are all about.
It makes my journey SO much easier with his support. - 2/20/2009   3:28:19 PM

I have a husband who smokes & eats rubbish (he doesn't drink, though, so I suppose that's something in his favour) & never gains an ounce. In fact, he is probably underweight. He doesn't deliberately sabotage my healthy habits but I do worry about the long term effect of his lifestyle. I want him to be around for a good, long time. - 2/20/2009   3:18:38 PM

I absolutely know about this! (see my SparkPage bio) but what I've learned is that it is important to surround yourself with at least some folks who consider a healthy lifestyle non-optional, especially your SO. I know that next time when I begin the search for a committed person in my life, that their fitness and nutritional habits WILL be a priority. I love to cook - my fav channel is the foodnetwork - but I'm very healthy conscious and prefer clean, whole food tastes. I don't eat the typical American diet and I am sure that is why it's easy for me to enjoy cooking and eating healthy because there is a myriad of flavors and taste sensations from all over the planet. I'd like to take a look at this book, it sounds wonderful. - 2/20/2009   3:05:05 PM

This book is the story of my life. My boyfriend is underweight and struggles to gain enough weight to not look like he's anorexic. I, on the other hand, gain weight from just looking at unhealthy food. Even if I ignore all the bad food he gets away with eating, it is hard for me just to not want to eat with him every few hours which he has to do to feed his over active metabolism. - 2/20/2009   2:49:18 PM

My EX hubby was the disaster here,, When (we were still married and) I tried to lose weight, I told him that the only two things I absolutely COULD NOT RESIST were BBQ ribs and chicharones`. What do you think he brought home on a regular basis?? I now realize that I was being successful at being more self confident, attractive and he did not like the idea that I could be attractive to somebody else or myself,, hence the EX in front of his name!!
I am now single, but he has had cancer, heart problems, cirrhosis, many stents put in, high cholesterol, high BP, etc,,, I have those problems, but I am getting healthier, he is not,,
His selfishness is costing him years, cost him his marriage and set me free, after I woke up and smelled the abuse and the bad diet!!
- 2/20/2009   2:33:17 PM

I needed this book 18 years ago ... my then boyfriend/now husband LOVED burger king whoppers, onion rings and chocolate shake. He's 6' 4" and I'm 5' even...why did I ever think I could maintain with HIS eating habits. Of course, 3 kids and many whoppers later I have 45 pounds to lose to his 10 pounds to gain. YUCK! - 2/20/2009   2:14:18 PM

With me, its not "the big fat boyfriend", but the slightly fat husband. He's just completely uninterested in exercise or healthy eating. I throw away a lot of junk food in an effort to keep some of the junk out of his diet, but I can't throw away everything. Luckily, I'm not usually tempted by his junk food choices, but it would be great to have a partner interested in healthy eating. - 2/20/2009   1:58:17 PM

My husband gained some weight after we got married. When his mother commented (and rightly so, since his dad had died from his third heart attack), He blamed it on my cooking.

I said, "It's not my cooking, it's your eating! I don't cook donuts and licorice!"

25 years later, his cardiologist is after him to lower his cholesterol. I told him so! - 2/20/2009   1:43:46 PM

I gained weight when first dating my now husband. He is a carpenter and works physically with his body all day. I ate snacks at night in the same proportion as his. I gained weight and he didn't. I am still tempted sometimes to try to keep up with his eating, buy I know what it will do. - 2/20/2009   1:42:21 PM

I wish this book was around 20 years ago when I started dating my husband! When we started dating he had learned to cook from his mother, who was a great cook and I didn't cook at all. Needless to say he did all of the cooking and he cooked well. I felt obligated to clean my plate. Over the last 20 years, taking cues from him, I had gained 65 lbs. I am glad to say through hard work and diligence, and being very focused, I have lost all of that extra weight and am closing in on my goal weight of 142. I don't let him dictate to me what we will be eating any more. I have learned to be a great cook myself and I cook 95% of our meals, mostly healthy and nutritious meals we all enjoy. - 2/20/2009   12:59:58 PM

All hail Jenna Bergen! This problem of having a junk-food-obsessed-skinny-without-t
rying boyfriend around was why I needed to join SparkPeople in the first place! I gained 15 pounds while dating him, and his sabotage while I've been trying to lose it has been one of my biggest obstacles. I'm going to go get this book! - 2/20/2009   12:35:04 PM

I was the diet disaster for my husband when we first started dating. He was fit and ate very well, he had just finished his second triathlon when we met. Then we started dating and I showed him junk food. I was 100 pounds soaking wet and didn't have to work at it. He gained probably 25 pounds in our first years together. Now we eat better and exercise more. I don't have that lab rat metabolism that I had before children. - 2/20/2009   11:29:14 AM

All I can say is thank you!! I'm definitely going to get that book! - 2/20/2009   10:38:35 AM

Eugh, this is a terrible story! When I met my fiancé, about three years ago, he was in great shape. He ate every two-three hours, usually chicken or tuna with rice or vegetables, and he worked out every day. He used to run marathons and was super healthy. I had freshly quit all of my dance teams and didn't realize that my metabolism wouldn't allow me to keep eating whatever I wanted. That being said, I am also a cake fiend. When we would hang out, we would eat dinner (he would eat chicken, I would eat a cheeseburger) but then two hours later he needed to eat again, so he would get more chicken and I would get... a piece of cake. I eventually got him to eat the cake too, and he slowly stopped going to the gym so he could hang out with me. This is where it gets really bad...
We live in a town of nothing but restaurants, so there was little to do besides go out to eat, plus, I like to try all of the chocolate cakes in town, and I did. FYI my favorite is still the Chocolate Tall Cake from Ruby Tuesdays. One night we finished dinner and were too full for dessert, but Neil said "Maybe you should just get the cake to go, you know you'll want it later." Then a thought hit me, "why are we paying $6-10 for a slice of cake, at the grocery store bakery you can get a whole cake for that much?" So that became our new thing. We would eat out, go to different grocery stores and try their chocolate cakes. We would average about half of a 6-10" cake per night, something which probably would have been ok with my previous metabolism and him still running marathons, but since all we did was hang out with each other at my house and eat cake, i gained about 30 pounds the first year. I also went off to school, so I put my Freshman 15 in that lump too.
Last spring I lost some weight, and then he wanted to too, but we put it back on over the summer together and then we went to Europe in the fall and gained weight there too. Now, we are both trying to eat healthy, but also plan our wedding, which leaves us often too rushed to pack a healthy lunch and too tired to cook a nice dinner. - 2/20/2009   10:36:17 AM

It's ditto for guys! I gained during every relationship I have been in. A combination of things. Eating out more, ordering in food, getting lethargic over exercise and ordering large butter popcorn at movies. All the same things! - 2/20/2009   10:16:08 AM

My husband, at first, was right there with me on the eating right track. Seems like he's losing his commitment or just forgetting what he's learned.

I've noticed that he's been slipping away from healthy habits lately, especially when he's not around me. Like going to Taco Bueno and getting junk instead of going to the Taco Bell across the street and getting something off the Fresco menu. Or yesterday, I asked him to go to Subway and get me a salad and then instead of getting himself one of their healthy sandwiches, he got a cold cut combo footlong and three cookies.

He's also been slacking on the gym. Maybe 1 or 2 days in the week he'll go. Maybe not. I've noticed that he's stopped losing weight and I am about 4 pounds away from overtaking him. I've never weighed less than him in the 10 years we've known each other.

So I am torn. Part of me is thrilled that I could weigh less than him and part of me is sad that he isn't working as hard as he once was. Either way, it doesn't really affect my commitment (except when he tries to get me to eat "treats" because he feels guilty about indulging). My willpower's been pretty strong lately, and I can handle it. - 2/20/2009   10:04:58 AM

I live with a diet disaster husband! Being somewhat disabled, I tend to let him do whatever chore is too painful. Grocey shopping is one of them. We discuss it and I try to tell him not to buy the ice cream and cookies and other stuff we don't need. He is getting better. We also have a teenager who is extrememly overweight so it is an added incentive. Doesn't always help, but maybe by not giving up it will someday change! - 2/20/2009   9:39:16 AM

I want to find this book! I got involved with someone who had an "Al Bundy" story about his football career and at 50 swore he was still "fit" enough to try out for a pro team even though he chugged 2 six packs a day and ate all the wrong things. While he was adding to his beer gut, I packed on nearly 30 lbs during the relationship. He enjoyed my cooking and I enjoyed preparing them while we both enjoyed eating them. I also baked and prepared salty, fattening snacks. As for what he's doing now, I haev no idea. I only know I'm healthier physically and emotionally without him.
As for ordering for the man, forget it! I say let them eat the way they want to and if you choose to eat healthy then so be it. I think most of the time when you see one slim healthy person they're usually an spouse or partner with weight and health issues. Sometimes both are like that. It's rare to see both trying to get fit and healthy. At least that's how it works out in my neck of the woods... - 2/20/2009   9:29:30 AM