The SparkPeople Blog

The First Day I Decided to Live Again

By: , SparkPeople Blogger
11/18/2011 11:00 AM   :  74 comments   :  11,025 Views

Today 
 
I reach
Through beams of dusty light
Falling to the earth
Through all of their prisms and geometry
Past the wind that dances on my skin...
And I want to know
Am I the only one who sees it?
Here, right now?
In this frozen moment of time?
There is something so mystical about the ordinary.
How could I have missed it yesterday?
 
The ordinary, that’s the beginning of change. 
 
Bedridden at 460 pounds, I had become very complacent. After all, there was nothing I could do, I thought.  Getting out of bed and rejoining the world seemed to be an immense journey that would take years and willpower that I just didn’t have.  I got tired and depressed just thinking about trying to get out of my situation.
 
The day I decided to live was not some miraculous moment in time.  It was a “Why the heck not try this since I’ve tried everything else” kind of moment.  Amazingly enough, the tips from Dr. Oz’s book, YOU on a Diet and SparkPeople taught me to take things slowly and work with my body instead of against it.
 
I had to learn to take things slowly, work smarter, not harder, and change up my life to include more than food.  This was crucial!  My days consisted of staying in bed eating and doing anything I could from there.  That’s a small world.  The chronic pain didn’t help.  Somehow I had to reach beyond that and find friends and support, which I found on SparkPeople.  This gave me courage to reach out in the real world.
 
Thus that day, I realized that I had to replace my ordinary life with something different.  It didn’t need to change with a bang, it just had to change, and so it did with the throwing upward of my hands and saying “Why not, I’ve tried everything else, what have I got to lose?”  With those changes comes empty space.  What do you do with the time you would have been pleasantly eating or sitting?  Find pleasant alternatives, discover or invent yourself.
 
Somehow this half-hearted throwing up of the hands effort took a turn.  The first few weeks and things I tried yielded results for a change.  Then I read and studied SparkPeople writings and YOU on a Diet like a college student would their classroom texts.  I wanted to do everything right.  This, in my opinion, was the last shot I was taking at losing weight.
 
Never stop taking last shots, I haven’t.  I’m still in the trenches fighting the good fight with you.  Remember to fill your life, not your stomach.  If that isn’t easy at this time, work on it any way you can.  That will be a saving grace. 
 
To date, I’ve lost 153 pounds I take it day by day.  This has taught me patience and has even taught me to slow down and think on a day-by-day, meal-by-meal basis.  I feel for the first time in life like I am searching and the journey is the best part.  The main thing I’m trying to find now isn’t weight loss.  I honestly think it’s something more fulfilling.  Weight loss is a major part of the journey.  It all started with a half-hearted “Why not?”  It’s that I took that “Why not” and did something that made all the difference.
 
Don’t wait for fireworks, perfection, the right day, or anything else.  Just start making better choices now, because, well… Why not?
 
What’s holding you back from making better choices today?


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Comments

  • 74
    nice article........way to go lady. I could so relate in a different way. years ago I was just going throught the motions of life. I wasn't really living life to my fullest. I had started therap for my bad childhood and I didn't feel good or like life. So one day I got up dusted myself off and said I am going to do this. I am going to live life at my best. And now I try to do that. So lady keep up the great work.........You can do this..........Yea 4 U........ - 11/25/2011   12:13:24 PM
  • 73
    Way to go Beth! You are awesome! 153 pounds is an enormous accomplishment. God Bless insight and inspiration. Keep up your amazing journey, one day at a time! - 11/23/2011   5:52:39 AM
  • 72
    I love this article, thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful day! - 11/22/2011   2:22:58 PM
  • 71
    Beth you are such an inspiration! You give me hope!! - 11/22/2011   12:49:45 PM
  • SLOWANDSURE
    70
    You're truly an inspiration. I am really impressed by the way you expressed yourself. I have a good feeling for my journey. Thanks
    - 11/22/2011   9:50:04 AM
  • HANNAHSUCCEEDS
    69
    Wow Beth, amazing!! You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing! - 11/22/2011   9:30:55 AM
  • SJCFLC
    68
    Beth you have done great. Please help me. I desperately need to lose 40 lbs. MY blood Pressure is out of sight. I have taken 3 blood pressure meds aday. Plus I have had several back surgeries which limit me from a lot of exercise. I need all the help I can get and I know you know how. Good luck in the future, hope to hear from you. - 11/22/2011   9:29:48 AM
  • 67
    Beth, you are such an inspiration. Thanks so much for this wonderful blog and congrats to you on your sucess. I will be here when you cross the finish line.

    Sunny - 11/22/2011   7:44:37 AM
  • BAMAJAM
    66
    Beth.... 153 pounds.... WOW WOW WOW

    You are just amazing, and you look beautiful -- Rejoice in yourself, Beth!! - 11/21/2011   12:18:59 PM
  • ELLSLIMMINGDOWN
    65
    WOW 153 lbs gone that is awesome. I love the saying fill your life not your stomach that is a great one for me to live by too. - 11/21/2011   10:54:57 AM
  • 64
    "Remember to fill your life, not your stomach." What a great thought!
    You are an inspiration! - 11/21/2011   9:01:43 AM
  • 63
    This is so good! Thanks for the inspiration! - 11/21/2011   8:19:07 AM
  • 62
    Congratulations and thank you for posting. - 11/21/2011   7:34:27 AM
  • 61
    just goes to show the power of never say "Never". You're an inspiration Beth, 150+ pounds is a lot of weight to loose and its a lot of Life to gain :o) - 11/21/2011   1:59:12 AM
  • RANGERJIMBOB
    60
    Thank You Beth for the inspiration, I'm a 66 year old newbee who has carried about 100 extra pounds for 30 years. I now feel that I can do it to. Thanks Again: Jim - 11/21/2011   12:15:40 AM
  • MAGIE40
    59
    That was a great blog. You gave us lots to think about. Keep up the great work. - 11/20/2011   9:02:00 PM
  • AMBER461
    58
    Congratulation Beth, your story is very inspirational. Keep on your journey you will accomplish your true goal. - 11/20/2011   7:08:47 PM
  • TRA_TRA
    57
    Very inspiring, - 11/20/2011   6:33:48 PM
  • 56
    Thanks for sharing your wonderful accomplishments and new attitude. You have found the key!! Finding a meaning and purpose to life will fill in that empty time since you're no longer eating. As we approach Christmas, you might try searching God's Word , especially the book of John, to discover just how much you are loved by Him. Wishing you the best for your continued journey. - 11/20/2011   4:39:59 PM
  • NANCYRUBIO
    55
    What an inspiration you are to everyone-whether or not you have to lose weight. Thank you for giving us your story, I am sure you have helped more people than we know. Continued success~~ - 11/20/2011   9:15:16 AM
  • MOIRA48
    54
    Loving this blog! I have been a 'fan' of yours on SP for a while now. You are truly an inspiration to me. - 11/20/2011   7:25:11 AM
  • 53
    Thanks for another wonderful post Beth. That's very wise advice and I'm glad to have had the reminder. Wishing you lots of love and light. - 11/20/2011   4:54:38 AM
  • 52
    I've never been an "emotional eater" but have found Roger Gould, M.D.'s book "SHRINK YOURSELF" to be of great help with dealing with stress. He says it is the reason we regain and we have to learn to handle it. As Roseanna-danna on Saturday Night Live would say "It's always something." - 11/20/2011   12:38:44 AM
  • 51
    You have such a great attitude! Congratulations on your success thus far and your continued success. You have done an amazing job and look fantastic! I can see the sparkle in your eyes and you have a lovely smile. I love reading your blogs because they are so upbeat and inspire others to do the best they can to have success like you've experienced. Thank you for sharing your story. - 11/19/2011   11:17:29 PM
  • 50
    oooo that made me feel soo much hope - 11/19/2011   8:44:26 PM
  • JLUSH111
    49
    Congratulations on the steps you have taken so far to change your life. What a change. Be proud of yourself because your the one that did it. Stay strong. - 11/19/2011   1:20:16 PM
  • 48
    You're an inspiration! Thanks for sharing. - 11/19/2011   1:08:26 PM
  • 47
    YOU ARE AMAZING, LADY!! You are certainly embracing life in a positive way. - 11/19/2011   11:14:33 AM
  • 46
    I loved that line too Fill your life- Not your stomach. Quoted you on my Huddle today! You are amazing!
    Pat - 11/19/2011   10:49:45 AM
  • 45
    Beth, one of the first blogs read since returning from an amazing month long cruise/family visits. Inspirational and helpful in getting me settled back into SP. And of course getting back on track...Thanks, girl. - 11/19/2011   10:47:56 AM
  • 44
    Love your blogs, Beth. They're so sane! - 11/19/2011   10:34:18 AM
  • 43
    Inspiring! - 11/19/2011   10:21:52 AM
  • LADYREDWING_NHL
    42
    This is an amazing spark story! thankyou for sharing it!!! I always say Dont Let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!

    you are an inspairation to me thankyou so much, Beth! keep spreading the spark! :) - 11/19/2011   10:15:34 AM
  • 41
    Beth you have made such huge accomplishments! I am very proud of you and grateful that you could share this with all of us. I am so glad also that you pointed out that it wasn't like an "AHA" moment. Sometimes we just don't have them and it's just a want to get up and do something. I am glad too that yo have taken such a commonsense approach to things. Congratulations on all your success and I hope you have many more to come! Thank you for sharing. - 11/19/2011   9:31:40 AM
  • TXGAL2007
    40
    Thank you for sharing....Keep up the great work. AND I too like your comment..."fill my life not my stomach" - 11/19/2011   9:16:14 AM
  • SIVERTSON2
    39
    Very proud of you, you are the only one in charge of your life. Your picture shows a beautiful lady and with your new attitude you can do it. Stay strong! - 11/19/2011   7:39:45 AM
  • 38
    ...and you are helping others change their lives, too...me included, by your inspirational writing! I was throwing in the towel but decided why not also! Thank you again! You remind about the priorities and focus! - 11/19/2011   7:12:27 AM
  • 37
    Thank you for sharing. A great encouragement to me as I am starting again in the treanches of losing wight...actually changing my unhealthy lifestyle! - 11/19/2011   2:02:24 AM
  • 36
    Exactly Beth - why not?? Its really a win,win situation and in the end - if you decide you don't like the changes you make to yourself, the smaller clothes, wonderful independance, mobility and flexibility - then you can always go back to the old habits - but why would you??

    Yes Beth, you are doing so very well - and insiring so many people on the way - people who are joining you on the journey!!
    Keep going well - we are all here beside you in the virtual sense!!
    I even have my pom, poms at the ready - lovely gold and red ones!! - 11/18/2011   11:19:46 PM
  • 35
    thank you. I'll keep trying. I don't have a lot of pain or any good reason for my problem, it's all never having said no to myself before. it's shaming to realize that this is all my fault. anyway, thanks again, Kitty - 11/18/2011   11:13:26 PM
  • MAKURZ
    34
    Very Inspirational, Congratulations on all the progress you have made since that first day!!!!! - 11/18/2011   11:11:51 PM
  • LJEINVT
    33
    Congratulations Beth on taking that first step and the huge change you have already achieved. I wish you well as you continue the journey. - 11/18/2011   10:33:07 PM
  • 32
    Beth - This is one of the most beautiful, honest blogs I have ever read. I am so happy for you! WOWWW!! We are all so lucky to be able to share in your experience. You are awesome!! - 11/18/2011   8:26:45 PM
  • 31
    I am so happy for you. I have felt the same lots of times. Thanks for sharing. Great Inspiration. - 11/18/2011   8:16:09 PM
  • 30
    Bravo! I understand the courage it took to "try again". Blessings on your journey. - 11/18/2011   7:54:04 PM
  • 29
    Good for you! Way to be an inspiration. - 11/18/2011   7:27:19 PM
  • 28
    So wonderful! You keep going on your journey. You should be so proud. - 11/18/2011   5:57:52 PM
  • LILBON1
    27
    What a great new beginning for you! Would love to give you a big hug. You can do it and I feel in my heart you will. God bless will be looking for new results from you. - 11/18/2011   5:34:09 PM
  • 26
    Congratulations Beth. - 11/18/2011   5:30:55 PM
  • 25
    Inspirational...I'm so moved by your words. - 11/18/2011   4:46:48 PM

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