The Blame Game Is Not Your Friend. Activate Your Healthy Lifestyle Conscience Instead.
By: Dean Anderson,
SparkPeople Blogger
11/18/2008 12:34 PM
: 29 comments
Everybody loves to play the blame game.
If there’s a problem, it’s got to be somebody’s fault, right? So, let’s figure out whose fault it is, and get that person straightened out, right now! Or at least make sure the finger's not pointing at us. Playing the blame game is one of our favorite indoor sports–right up there with gossiping about celebrities and/or the neighbors, and everyone’s perennial favorite: sex.
When it comes to obesity, there are plenty of ways to play the blame game, and they all can get pretty nasty...
The obesity blame game seems to have three distinct versions:
The Make Them Feel Bad for Their Own Good version described in this article, where being obese gets you blamed not only for your own problems, but for all kinds of things you couldn’t possibly be responsible for all by yourself, in the hope that the more uncomfortable you feel, the more you'll want to change.
The Name That Cookie Monster version, where everyone picks their favorite culprit from the line-up of usual suspects: fat genes, hormones, saturated fat, carbs, sugar, busy schedules, comfortable couches, food advertising/marketing, sedentary jobs, unsupportive friends and family, etc, etc.
The I Can’t Believe I Ate the Whole Thing version, where you blame yourself for being obese, and come up with all kinds of theories about what’s wrong with you, and why you're doomed to be this way forever. This one was always my personal nemesis.
I don't know about you, but I've been on both the giving and the receiving end of all three of these versions, and they didn't do me or anyone else a bit of good.
When I sit around waiting for external circumstances to change, or some new pill to be discovered, or other people to make things easier for me, I just put on more weight. If I start thinking that a problem like obesity has one cause and one solution, and that all I have to do is find the right one, I start experimenting with one fad diet after another, and all that does is keep the fad diet industry in business. And if I end up feeling bad, because of what someone else says or (more frequently) what I say to myself, I end up eating more to make that bad feeling go away for a minute.
The Guilt Game: A Better Game to Play?
On the other hand, though, it seems pretty clear that, if it makes us unhappy, each of us does need to take individual responsibility for doing what we can about our weight, no matter how many different factors may be contributing to the problem. But I never had much luck getting myself to do that with simple will power or logic. Maybe it's just my Irish Catholic background (the best soil in the world for cultivating guilt), but I've discovered that the best way to keep myself on track is to let myself feel a little appropriate guilt at just the right moment.
It might seem like the line between feeling guilty and blaming yourself is pretty thin. But that's only because, these days, the kind of guilt most people are familiar with is toxic guilt--the kind you feel after you've already done something bad and have started beating up on yourself for doing it.
There is another kind, though. It's that little voice you hear in your head before you act, telling you that what you're thinking about doing might not be such a good idea. This is called having a conscience, and it can be a very handy tool when it comes to eating right and living a healthy lifestyle.
You're probably very familiar with this concept. No doubt, you listen to that little voice all the time when you're thinking about how your actions might affect someone else. But how often do you let it guide your choices about what to eat or your exercise? How often do you include yourself on that list of people you care about and have a responsibility to treat well, and let that determine what you do? Note: this is NOT the same thing as feeling guilty for breaking one of your diet rules.
You can read some more about all this, and about how to develop your healthy lifestyle conscience here.
So, what's your story? Have you been playing the blame game, or activating your healthy lifestyle conscience?
If there’s a problem, it’s got to be somebody’s fault, right? So, let’s figure out whose fault it is, and get that person straightened out, right now! Or at least make sure the finger's not pointing at us. Playing the blame game is one of our favorite indoor sports–right up there with gossiping about celebrities and/or the neighbors, and everyone’s perennial favorite: sex.
When it comes to obesity, there are plenty of ways to play the blame game, and they all can get pretty nasty...
The obesity blame game seems to have three distinct versions:
I don't know about you, but I've been on both the giving and the receiving end of all three of these versions, and they didn't do me or anyone else a bit of good.
When I sit around waiting for external circumstances to change, or some new pill to be discovered, or other people to make things easier for me, I just put on more weight. If I start thinking that a problem like obesity has one cause and one solution, and that all I have to do is find the right one, I start experimenting with one fad diet after another, and all that does is keep the fad diet industry in business. And if I end up feeling bad, because of what someone else says or (more frequently) what I say to myself, I end up eating more to make that bad feeling go away for a minute.
The Guilt Game: A Better Game to Play?
On the other hand, though, it seems pretty clear that, if it makes us unhappy, each of us does need to take individual responsibility for doing what we can about our weight, no matter how many different factors may be contributing to the problem. But I never had much luck getting myself to do that with simple will power or logic. Maybe it's just my Irish Catholic background (the best soil in the world for cultivating guilt), but I've discovered that the best way to keep myself on track is to let myself feel a little appropriate guilt at just the right moment.
It might seem like the line between feeling guilty and blaming yourself is pretty thin. But that's only because, these days, the kind of guilt most people are familiar with is toxic guilt--the kind you feel after you've already done something bad and have started beating up on yourself for doing it.
There is another kind, though. It's that little voice you hear in your head before you act, telling you that what you're thinking about doing might not be such a good idea. This is called having a conscience, and it can be a very handy tool when it comes to eating right and living a healthy lifestyle.
You're probably very familiar with this concept. No doubt, you listen to that little voice all the time when you're thinking about how your actions might affect someone else. But how often do you let it guide your choices about what to eat or your exercise? How often do you include yourself on that list of people you care about and have a responsibility to treat well, and let that determine what you do? Note: this is NOT the same thing as feeling guilty for breaking one of your diet rules.
You can read some more about all this, and about how to develop your healthy lifestyle conscience here.
So, what's your story? Have you been playing the blame game, or activating your healthy lifestyle conscience?
 You will earn 3 SparkPoints |
Comments
Thank you so much for all of this! - 11/19/2008 11:22:42 PM
Of course, because the voice of conscience is so quiet and calm, she is really easy to trod down and ignore in my frenzied dash to the fridge when the desire to comfort eat sets in; yet, with practice and with learning to love and care for myself as much or more than I do for others, that quiet voice of conscience has become quite an ally! And the reward of self respect when I listen? That's priceless. Not to mention the size smaller jeans. *wink*
So thank you for this great topic, it's an important distinction to deconflate these types of "guilt" because it is such an important tool. - 11/19/2008 4:21:01 PM
Also, as we are changing ourselves and leading more powerful and rational lives ourselves, we may also want to eventually take on the changing of society and make it more rational. It is good to think about the things in society that are harmful to others, as long as we don't hand them our power. - 11/19/2008 7:13:40 AM
I'm working hard on improving me. & the harder I worker the more I seem to like the new person I'm becoming!!
(btw - I love the article) - 11/19/2008 2:52:23 AM
I may be talking semantics but I have found that the pop psych "toxic guilt/good guilt" explanations don't work. And especially don't apply to obesity. I mean we aren't talking murder here. Suicide maybe but not murder.
The reasons for obesity are complex as I am sure a man of your intelligence already knows.
Learning to handle myself with a light and loving touch has gone a lot farther than any thing ever has before.
Maybe you could keep your tough love talk for you tough love team. - 11/18/2008 3:49:16 PM
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