Stop Apologizing for Being Different
Every day I work hard to be a good mom. There are days where I’m proud of the job I’ve done, and other days when I’m not. I think that kind of goes with the territory. I know I’m not perfect, but I always try to make decisions based on what I think is right for my family. Some of those decisions aren’t the norm, but instead of being proud of paving my own path, recently I’ve started apologizing for them. It’s time for me to stop being sorry and start embracing my differences.
My daughter started kindergarten last month, which means I’ve been getting involved at school, going to meetings and introducing myself to other parents in her class. A few weeks ago, I went to a meeting where moms were chatting about popular meals they serve for dinner. Most of the foods they were mentioning were things my kids never eat, because admittedly, I’m pretty picky about what we have. Most of our meals don’t come from a box or fast food drive through, and I try to serve healthy foods as much as possible (leaving room for special treats now and then.) I stayed quiet through the conversation, because I didn’t want to come off as judging other parents. Every parent has their own things they focus on, and one of mine happens to be the quality of our food. When I came to pick my daughter up from a playdate a few days after this, her friend’s mom asked “What does she eat for lunch?” She named a few foods she asked if my daughter would like to eat, and my daughter had never had them before. Yes, hotdogs are on that list.
After these two experiences (as well as a few others involving the toys my children have compared to other kids), I felt the need to apologize to them. “I’m sorry that I’m different than other parents. I’m sorry I focus a lot on what you eat, and don’t just buy you everything you want the second you ask for it.” When my husband heard me doing this, he pulled me aside. “Why would you apologize for doing things for our kids that you feel are going to make them better, healthier people? Don’t be sorry for that.” The more I thought about it, the more I knew he was right. My kids eat plenty of treats, just not all-day, every day. My kids get new toys and we do lots of fun things together, even if I’m not buying the latest, most expensive gadgets on the market. I do these things because I think they are right for my family, which is why everyone makes the choices they do. I just need to get more comfortable in my own skin and not be so self-conscious about it.
The path towards a healthier lifestyle isn’t always the popular choice. Sometimes you have to turn down seconds at the dinner table, or decide against the rich dessert that everyone else is devouring. Have you ever felt the need to apologize for that, as if you’re doing something wrong? Do you apologize to family or friends for making time to work out instead of things others might like you to do? I think there’s a difference between being selfish, and just saying you’re sorry for making different choices. In the end, we all have one life to live. The way you make yours great isn’t going to be the same as everyone else, but that’s okay. That’s what makes each of us unique.
What do you think?
My daughter started kindergarten last month, which means I’ve been getting involved at school, going to meetings and introducing myself to other parents in her class. A few weeks ago, I went to a meeting where moms were chatting about popular meals they serve for dinner. Most of the foods they were mentioning were things my kids never eat, because admittedly, I’m pretty picky about what we have. Most of our meals don’t come from a box or fast food drive through, and I try to serve healthy foods as much as possible (leaving room for special treats now and then.) I stayed quiet through the conversation, because I didn’t want to come off as judging other parents. Every parent has their own things they focus on, and one of mine happens to be the quality of our food. When I came to pick my daughter up from a playdate a few days after this, her friend’s mom asked “What does she eat for lunch?” She named a few foods she asked if my daughter would like to eat, and my daughter had never had them before. Yes, hotdogs are on that list.
After these two experiences (as well as a few others involving the toys my children have compared to other kids), I felt the need to apologize to them. “I’m sorry that I’m different than other parents. I’m sorry I focus a lot on what you eat, and don’t just buy you everything you want the second you ask for it.” When my husband heard me doing this, he pulled me aside. “Why would you apologize for doing things for our kids that you feel are going to make them better, healthier people? Don’t be sorry for that.” The more I thought about it, the more I knew he was right. My kids eat plenty of treats, just not all-day, every day. My kids get new toys and we do lots of fun things together, even if I’m not buying the latest, most expensive gadgets on the market. I do these things because I think they are right for my family, which is why everyone makes the choices they do. I just need to get more comfortable in my own skin and not be so self-conscious about it.
The path towards a healthier lifestyle isn’t always the popular choice. Sometimes you have to turn down seconds at the dinner table, or decide against the rich dessert that everyone else is devouring. Have you ever felt the need to apologize for that, as if you’re doing something wrong? Do you apologize to family or friends for making time to work out instead of things others might like you to do? I think there’s a difference between being selfish, and just saying you’re sorry for making different choices. In the end, we all have one life to live. The way you make yours great isn’t going to be the same as everyone else, but that’s okay. That’s what makes each of us unique.
What do you think?
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Comments
We grew up with a mother who was almost vegetarian and a dad who loved his meat as well as everything else, especially the unusual foods. Stone ground wheat bread was a staple in our house and an occasional treat of ice cream was one quart sliced into 6 servings, one for each of us.
And how I remember the winter evening treats of homemade grape juice with a little ginger ale to make it fizz!!!
I am glad there was no such thing as fast food in our era!!! - 11/24/2012 8:38:55 PM
Best wishes!
Denise - 10/27/2012 6:17:54 AM
tend to try not apologize for my decisions. I don't have kids yet. But i know someday i will and i am going to teach them what a healthy lifestyle is. - 10/24/2012 9:00:49 PM
With that said WTG for how great you are doing in todays times. WTG for showing them they are worth more to you that a fancy toy or fast food. You care enough to be involved in their lives (every aspect) . They will tell you when they have kids as mine did me , You gave us the best example of how to be a hands on parent. They will remember everything you haave taught them and pass it on to their children. WTG to your husband for seeing the great mother you are. - 10/24/2012 4:54:37 PM
i dont apologize to him for how i think. he eats healthy because i know how to cook and i am a great cook. he never has to worry about paying bills because i pay them. i take care of everything all he has to do is bring in the paycheck. so in my mind i think that his life is only the way it is now because of how i was raised. left to himself he would be homeless in a month. - 10/24/2012 2:17:54 PM
Now I just have to remember that my choices are just that... mine. I have always been "different" in many ways. Now I just have to learn to celebrate it. - 10/24/2012 12:54:04 PM
I'm a very unconventional parent. I challenged my son's teacher (to my fiance's terror) because she punished him for turning his head while walking in line down the hall. I choose to fight the bigger battles (like correcting him when he bullies others, or focusing on my daughter's grades). No kid is perfect and you should never be judged for your parenting style. Many people think I'm way too lenient, but my kids are great problem solvers & don't have me hovering over them every second. They're independent and strong...I couldn't be more proud of them. That's my way of doing it for my kids. How other parents choose to do it is completely up to them & I respect that. Every child and family is different, which is why I love this blog! Embrace it!! :) Thank you for posting! - 10/24/2012 10:59:50 AM
So, hang in there and don't apologize or give in to your new "peer pressure". You are doing what you know is best for your family and it is the love you are demonstrating that will impress your children (and probably the other children too) in the long run. - 10/24/2012 7:36:20 AM
- 10/23/2012 10:09:21 PM
Way to go sticking to your values and doing your best to instill healthy lifestyle choices in your kids! - 10/23/2012 4:57:02 PM
And I don't believe I'm perfect, or that I never make a bad choice. I just need to change my own thoughts to believing in myself when I make good choices.
This is a great blog topic. Thank you for starting a conversation.
Judi - 10/23/2012 2:48:51 PM
Apologize for saying, "no, thank you"--why? Maybe I am setting an good example for someone else in the group who is thinking about trying SP and changing their lifestyle as well. - 10/23/2012 11:49:32 AM
To some people, putting myself first will always look 'selfish,' but I have to recognize that as mostly their problem.
Nice blog. - 10/23/2012 10:49:20 AM
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