The SparkPeople Blog

Should You Keep your Weight Loss Plan a Secret?

By: , SparkPeople Blogger
5/9/2013 6:00 AM   :  164 comments   :  24,015 Views

Most people who decide to make a lifestyle change will tell at least a few others about their intentions.  All of a sudden you’re buying more fruits, vegetables and whole grains, and you’ve dusted off those gym shoes to go for a walk a few times a week.  Something is up, but how many people do you tell?  Do you tell anyone at all, or just let them figure it out for themselves?  New research shows that sharing your goals could negatively affect your behavior and success. 

Researchers at New York University explored the idea of an “identity goal”.  “In the case of weight loss, that goal is to be a successful dieter.  To reach an identity goal, you need indicators of your accomplishments. For a dieter it could be pounds dropped or praise from friends/family when they see how great you look.  Studies found that when you tell people what you intend to do, and that intention is acknowledged, the recognition qualifies as an indicator of accomplishment.”  The theory is that the sense of accomplishment makes you feel like you’ve already reached a goal.  This feeling then gives you less incentive to follow through with it.  Do you agree?

Researchers suggest creating an action plan to help you stick to the goal.  Instead of just saying “I want to lose 20 pounds”, develop steps along the way.  That way the sense of accomplishment isn’t complete until you’ve “lost 5 pounds by January 15th, 10 pounds by February 20th and 20 pounds by April 30th.”

Other researchers suggest that because human beings naturally have a problem with change, those around you will try to sabotage your efforts (consciously or not) by changing you back to what you once were.  One successful dieter said that she received comments such as “I liked you better as the fat friend,” from people she expected to be supportive of her goals.  Because of these reasons, some experts suggest keeping your weight loss goals a secret, or if necessary, only telling a few people.

I think everyone needs to do what works best for them, but I’m skeptical that keeping your goals a secret from everyone is beneficial for most people.  If you know that your family and friends won’t support your goals, reach out to others- like your friends at SparkPeople!  It helps to share the ups and downs of a healthy lifestyle journey, especially if it’s with others who are going through the same thing.  Surround yourself with those who want to see you be happy and successful. 

Do you keep your weight loss goals a secret from certain people in your life?  Do you find that telling others helps or hurts your progress?


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Comments

  • 164
    I'm keeping it a secret. If i tell, the plan going to fail.... - 5/12/2013   9:50:23 PM
  • 163
    I've been sabotaged in the past, and from people I thought would be supportive. I've learned who to tell, and who not to tell. This time I've told the two people I know I can count on to encourage me, and be happy for my success. The others will eventually figure it out, but hopefully by that time I will be able to protect myself from any negative reactions they have. - 5/12/2013   2:51:24 AM
  • 162
    When I was most successful, I didn't tell anyone and waited for my weight loss to be apparent. It took about 30 lbs for people to start asking and some people waited longer (mostly male coworkers who were concerned about workplace etiquette). I think its an individual decision whether to tell anyone or which people to tell. For me, I'm okay with succeeding in public, but I'd rather fail in private. - 5/10/2013   3:51:12 PM
  • 161
    I don't say anything to other people about my weight loss. Many have complimented me, but I think weight is such a personal issue that I discuss it on an individual basis. - 5/10/2013   10:33:51 AM
  • 160
    I've found that telling people helps me to hold myself more accountable - because I want to show that I can do it. But when I don't reach those goals, I do feel more let down that I've told people & not been able to follow through - so it's a difficult balance, & I haven't found that right answer for me yet. - 5/10/2013   9:59:52 AM
  • NORTHFIRE
    159
    I share RESULTS with those around me: no one wants to here a whole bunch of 'I'm gonna's'! If you share too early, people do love to be negative, and who needs that? I do share my goals in here, but then, this is created to be a safe place :) - 5/10/2013   9:46:16 AM
  • 158
    I feel like it is no one's business but mine. I share with my husband, and if people ask me about my weight loss I will enthusiastically tell them about SparkPeople and how much I love it. I get a lot of community support here at SP from people who are kind and supportive, and my husband is wonderful about it. But I don't tell others....to protect myself from self-sabotage. - 5/10/2013   8:24:48 AM
  • 157
    I am always tempted to show my cards too soon, but in the past, that has invited sabotage from some people. They want to argue with me: "You don't need to lose weight! Have some cake!" For me, it's better to save the weight-loss talk for SparkPeople.

    - 5/10/2013   7:41:29 AM
  • 156
    Oh this is so interesting! I am a huge blabber mouth, so if you know me, you probably know a lot of my goals and aspirations.

    I do understand the need for a time frame within which to reach a goal. In fact, I wanted to take a trip that involved a LOT of preparation, planning, convincing (Himself - my travel partner). I had a deadline of spring 2011 and I told all my colleagues in the fall of 2010 because I was excited about it and, of course, I had to claim the vacation time. As the WORK involved with planning began to feel like it was all too much, I really considered quitting - not planning - but the fact that I'd "bragged" ahead of time, shamed me into doing the work - and oh my, it was the best trip Himself and I have ever taken. That's one for sharing your goals.

    But yesterday I heard, for the first time, "Don't lose any more weight" from a friend and I started to explain about my goal and then had an overwhelming urge to just keep it to myself. She won't really know if I lose that last 5 lbs or not ... we don't need to talk about it.

    Very interesting. - 5/10/2013   6:20:13 AM
  • 155
    I love my secrets. I find that once I reveal them to others, I lose motivation. So no sharing for me. - 5/10/2013   12:55:44 AM
  • 154
    I keep my business to myself. - 5/9/2013   11:13:59 PM
  • SMAILEH
    153
    I don't tell many people about my health and weight-loss goals--not so much because I am afraid that they will sabotage me, but because I'm afraid they'll jinx me. But I have talked to some people about the SparkPeople program, especially ones that have commented to me that they want to lose weight. So they know I'm following a program but not what my personal goals are. - 5/9/2013   10:16:58 PM
  • 152
    While my closest friends and family know about my weight loss goals, others just know I'm trying to be healthier overall. Meaning, my co-workers know I'm training to run a 10k, not that my ultimate goal is to lose 30+ pounds. - 5/9/2013   6:52:46 PM
  • 151
    This is something I am doing for myself. Those closest to me know what is going on and I have their full support. I agree with what many others are saying here: I don’t need the praise, pats on the back, nor do I feel the need to explain myself & choices to anyone. So many people today have way too many opinions and they feel completely free to share them whether you want to hear it or not. It is none of their business. This is my own personal struggle and I would feel too much pressure if I knew that people around me might be just watching to see when I slip up. - 5/9/2013   4:55:26 PM
  • KAZADOR244
    150
    I tried to keep my weight loss goals secret, but had the feeling that people felt slighted by the things I chose not to eat. In a house where I do all the cooking, my wife noticed that I would prepare her meals (relatively healthy with no strict eye for portioning) and then either not eat the same meal or perhaps remove certain trouble items from it. Also my avoidance of all fast foods, sugared sodas, and salty/sweet snacks caught the eyes of certain people who commented on my weight loss. I feel that you should share your intent to lose weight with others not as a search for validation, but as a declarative statement as clear as, "It's raining today." You may find that you're losing the weight alone, but no one else is going to lose the weight for you. - 5/9/2013   1:00:30 PM
  • YESRUSHZEP
    149
    I keep it a secret. I don't tell anyone at work. My wife knows and she is supportive, but no one else needs to know what I am doing. The desire to lose weight and the actions necessary to make that desire a reality must come from within. I believe telling others about my weight loss in order to receive a "pat on the back" or an "atta boy" is not enough motivation for me if my mind is not ready to do what is necessary to cut calories and exercise to lose weight. As countless others have mentioned, the amount of external sabotage that is generated by telling others will outweigh any positive feedback. I will keep it to myself. It is up to me to keep track of my calories consumed and burned. I have a calorie counting watch for burning calories and now I have sparkpeople.com for counting calories consumed. I will maintain a calorie deficit and let my actions speak for themselves. - 5/9/2013   12:53:20 PM
  • DLBROWN93
    148
    I find it easier to keep my weight loss plans to myself. I am getting tired of the eye rolls when I mention my healthy eating and exercise routine to family members and coworkers. - 5/9/2013   12:27:11 PM
  • 147
    I tell some people about my weight loss. Some people I do not say anything to because they make negative comments about it. I try not to take some comments to heart but it is hard. I went from a size 18 to a size 6 and it bothers me that some people just can't be happy for me. - 5/9/2013   11:47:06 AM
  • GRANDMAFRANNY
    146
    WHY !!! If people notice and ask you what is going on then tell them WHY you are doing this . SAY !! I am doing this for me. - 5/9/2013   11:24:28 AM
  • 145
    I'm kind of in the middle.

    On one hand, I feel that if I'm only accountable to myself, I'll never get anything done. My history proves I'm right about this one.

    On the other hand, I've also proven that telling people doesn't really get me anywhere either. In fact, the perpetual cycle of "I'm doing this" only to quit, has left me in a "crying wolf" stage, where no one really believes me anymore.

    However, I wholeheartedly believe that the people you tell are extremely important. When I have someone who keeps heckling me, I'm more likely to keep going. If I just have someone passively reminding me once in a while, well... that doesn't usually work.

    I think the key lies in WHO you tell, not how many or how often; how helpful that friend will be, and whether or not they will challenge you. - 5/9/2013   11:20:07 AM
  • 144
    This time I am keeping my mouth shut. I did the eating of the offered foods myself, so I'm not blaming family for my weight gain. That said, I married into a bunch of genetically skinny people, & when I mentioned diet, lifestyle change etc. a few days later it started, all of my fav foods, "eat more" "you're gonna starve" "you won't even try my homemade_____" "don't be rude" blah blah blah. Nope I am not saying a word except here, and I think I'm getting food allergies as I type (LOL) Really I'm not cranky when I change my eating habits except when some one does not understand No thank you. This time its for me, for my health & sanity. Nope not people pleasing this time and hopefully its the last time. For today it is. - 5/9/2013   11:15:20 AM
  • PATSYK67
    143
    I have been reluctant to share my goals, more from fear of failure than looking for praise. I would think it would depend on whether you are an extrovert or an introvert. - 5/9/2013   11:06:50 AM
  • 142
    I believe that telling others does, in fact, make me lose some of my incentive and motivation. Keeping my intentions to myself helps me stay focused on the goal. - 5/9/2013   10:53:04 AM
  • 141
    Funny - but I've always been someone to keep big goals I'm working toward to myself. When I started this, I did that same thing - kept it quiet. I want my friends and family to SEE my success for themselves, rather than having me tell them what I am doing, and having them judge whether or not they think I am achieving results quickly enough. Results they notice without me prompting them will feel more authentic and earned to me - which just adds to my motivation. Mostly though, my motivation comes from within. - 5/9/2013   10:39:28 AM
  • 140
    It all comes down to what I DO, or don't do, not what I say I'm going to do. But once I really get going and have lost at least 5 lbs, I tell just a few people who I know will be truly supportive of my efforts. For everyone else, I let the results speak for themselves. - 5/9/2013   10:36:18 AM
  • DBERGY
    139
    Actions speak louder than words~ I have two daughters... I ask one to do something and she will immediately say, "Yes mom, I will do it!" And yet hours later the task is still incomplete. On the other hand my other daughter tells me, "No!" But after a bit she changes her mind and then does the task without saying a word.

    How many times have we promised others (or even ourselves) we would do something, but then not?

    I think it is the quiet small decisions in the right direction that make the bigger difference. Just keep doing the right things, and people will notice. - 5/9/2013   10:33:36 AM
  • 138
    I think this is a double-edged sword - at least for me it is. When I tell people and they compliment or validate my goals or small achievements, then I feel like I've already accomplished the goal or somehow the pressure is off to achieve the goals. Also, if I tell the wrong people then I feel more pressure to be perfect and when I'm not perfect, I quit. So, by not telling a lot of people, I have the freedom to be imperfect in the pursuit of my goals and then the only way the pressure to achieve comes off is when I actually lose weight.
    Recently, however, I did find a real, live buddy to help me on this journey. I've had buddies before but the relationship was never quite right. Those experiences have helped me learn how to make the buddy relationship productive and helpful AND successful. So far, so good!! It's been almost a month and we are BOTH losing weight steadily!!
    So, take what you like and leave the rest. Do what is best for YOU and your plan! - 5/9/2013   10:28:34 AM
  • RMILLER531
    137
    I can definitely see the value in keeping your goals a secret. I told a few friends and the response was, "well, I'll do it better and keep to it." And as soon as my spouse figured out we were eating healthier, he immediately started complaining that I was trying to starve him. Those negative influences quickly derailed my plans; it didn't help that the negative voices turned into negative self-talk. So later and after I finished the inevitable bout of self-loathing, I set a private goal of 10% of my body weight and kept it to myself. I am now on a good track and feeling good about my progress. I am realizing that I am the only person who can stand in my way. - 5/9/2013   10:09:23 AM
  • 136
    Just a select few knew my weight loss goals and how I was going to achieve them. I think that is the right approach. Let the results speak for themselves! - 5/9/2013   9:52:31 AM
  • JOYFULME01
    135
    For me it depends. My childres and friends know, but I am not so open with my husband. He is hyper critical and I don't want to deal with that along with staying focused. - 5/9/2013   9:39:17 AM
  • 134
    Depends on who it is. Family knows, because it affects them. Outsiders usually don't, because I don't want to feel everyone is critiquing every crumb I put in my mouth...

    Becca - 9/11/2012   3:08:57 PM
  • HPSANDDOLLAR
    133
    Something to think about. - 5/24/2012   8:35:37 AM
  • PLAYLIN
    132
    I may have made a big mistake. I want to ( have to) lose alot of weight for my health and happiness. Beside my sisters and husband of course( he's my biggest cheerleader) and my mother- in -law. I know she means well cause she keeps telling me how proud she is of me. Great right, but I 've lost about 25# , all water weight I'm sure and she keeps asking me if I'm not feeling my clothes getting looser. They aren't but I told her they were just to get her off my back. - 4/12/2012   6:33:08 PM
  • WOWLAULAU
    131
    Wow. This is very helpful. For me, it's not having other people bug me about it, but the article mentioned one of my roadblocks. If I tell people, my brain tells me, "Good, now you have accomplished your goal." It's like my cookbooks. At one time I had over 100 cookbooks, but I never learned much from them. My brain told me I had taken a step forward each time I bought one. It failed to tell me I had to OPEN it. And use it. So I'm trying to work backwards and DO it, then open the book (or mention my health goals). This blog is an eye opener for me. - 4/12/2012   2:54:43 PM
  • ELYSE2012
    130
    I keep it a secret that I want to loose weight simply because my efforts don't show quickly and feeling people are watching to see if I am loosing weight is that much more stressful. In the past, I found people would come over and give me their advice.
    Those around me that don't have a weight problem are quick to judge what is on my plate. And there are those that say, Oh take just one bite, it won't hurt, or keep bringing small pieces of chocolate or recipes etc..
    I do discuss what exercise I am in though, bring it up that I am now running, or talking about a spinning class. I find I am often one of the most active person in a group. The unnecessary advice doesn't come and those who are also active share their stories and the places where they run and I feel more part of that community than the weight loss one.
    That is why SP and other websites work better for me than joining a group and getting weighed every week. I am accountable to me, I know what sort of week I had, no matter what the scale shows. - 2/26/2012   4:56:03 PM
  • FALLNESS
    129
    Okay, so now I have lost enough weight (about 25 pounds) that people have noticed and they have started asking me about it. I don't like to talk about it with people because it's an ongoing struggle and I don't want to hear comments about what I should and shouldn't be doing. I know these things; I just either choose to do them or not. So now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, how do I get people to not talk to me about it? I made the mistake of being myself and answering their questions honestly, but I really feel it's not any of their business. How do I backtrack? - 1/22/2012   4:22:42 PM
  • STREO2004
    128
    I tell my family. They are very encouraging. When I work out, I send out a text that says how many minutes, and they cheer me on. Am not great at any of this yet, but I'm trying. - 1/13/2012   1:13:14 AM
  • 127
    My husband has been very supportive. My mom makes fun of me when I count/measure my food. I tell her, but it's working! My friends tell me I look good, but that's about it. Nothing really 'negative.' - 1/5/2012   11:22:33 AM
  • 126
    For me, sharing a goal with others is really about sharing that I have a problem in the first place. I know it's obvious to others that I need to lose weight, but when I say it out loud, I'm not so embarrassed about it anymore. And whether or not I tell people I'm trying to lose weight, they're going to tell me they notice anyway :) - 12/31/2011   10:12:40 PM
  • HPROSKIE
    125
    I've tried several diets over the past ten years, and at first I didn't tell anyone when I started a new diet. I was afraid I would fail (I am a chronic excuse-maker, which ultimately leads to failure) and I feared those I told would think that I was weak and had no will power. One day I woke up and realized that it was true- I was weak and had no will power! I later found that having a supportive community like SP- people I could tell and not fear judgment...people who would offer me sincere advice to acheiving my goals and stop making excuses- is my key motivator to get up every morning and continue, one step at a time, to work toward my goal to live a healthier life. Thank you to my SP support network for allowing me to share my ups and downs- I couldn't do it without you! Wishing a happy and HEALTHY new year to all! - 12/31/2011   4:55:26 PM
  • 124
    When I was a hundred pounds heavier and I was adamant about changing my life, I made the stupid mistake of telling people. Luckily, my willpower and sheer determination did not allow their snide comments, laughing in my face or their sabotage to affect me. In fact, I don't talk to those people anymore. I tell people now to keep it to themselves, let them approach you when they see your life changed for the better.

    It hurt my feelings at first because my self esteem was poor and i was alone, I needed support, just to be treated with everything from anger to mockery. It was the worst experience but yet the most beneficial. My two greatest and only supporters were my sister and a good friend (this was before I met my husband). And I told them much later into my weight loss, only because of the scrutiny I received in the beginning.

    - 12/31/2011   11:33:15 AM
  • 123
    I keep it a secret. if i dont i feel like someone will try to sabatoge me or just try to talk me out of it. i do ask my husband for support so that i can have the time needed to get to the gym. but sometimes i see what i percieve as dissappointment in his eyes when i have an off day. i usually try to hide the candy wrappers on a bad day. so if i dont tell anyone i feel like its my goals to reach and not my friends - 12/31/2011   10:54:36 AM
  • 122
    This time around I have shared only with my Spark friends. To say "I want to lose weight" is redundant with my circle of friends who are having problems themselves. The very first time I did't confer with anybody and I was more sucessful. Since my plan is "all about me" I don't have to have anyone to check with .. - 12/31/2011   10:26:45 AM
  • 121
    I would have to completely agree with this article and the study. This is the first time I didn't tell everyone what I was doing. I told a few people and let the rest notice as I have lost weight. I feel more successful this time than any other time I have changed my eating habits. I have been confident in saying no to foods I choose not to eat anymore, even just that one taste "that won't hurt you." When we tell others are plan to lose weigjt the expectation is set that and we are most generally going to fail like we have in the past. Then we do and gain all plus more weight back. For me failure is not an option for the life I plan to lead for the rest of my life. The best secret I've kept and most fun I have had with a secret. - 12/31/2011   1:05:17 AM
  • 120
    I read thru the majority of these comments and it makes me feel alot better to know that I am not the only one "keeping secrets". I lost 100# and I have kept it off for about 5 years now. However I've put back on about 18 and it doesn't sit well with me. I agree with everything everyone has said - when people know what you are doing the pressure is just sometimes more than you can take. Especially if they haven't a clue what you are going thru. It is in many ways like alcoholics or other abusers - when they get well their respective partners don't know how to have a relationship with them because their whole self has changed. It has HAD TO change, in order to support this new lifestyle. And then the partners who know they also could benefit from this change and who feel guilty for not.........not changing, not wanting to change, not being supportive enough....so they sabotage you, on purpose or not, the result is the same. And it is hard to believe that someone who loves you could be undermining you. - 12/30/2011   8:40:05 PM
  • 119
    I agree with HIPPYCAT's comment regarding the benefit of keeping SparkPeople and goals separate from my work or home life is a benefit. I too, am quiet about personal goals. I suppose I don't want to disappoint anyone if I don't reach my goal weight or have to explain how I "fell off" my diet. I already feel like I am on a path that has been successful for many others and that is encouraging. - 12/30/2011   8:00:21 PM
  • 118
    I'm kind of a secretive person anyway, but I only told my husband and maybe three or four other people (who all live several hundred miles away!). That way, if I am going through a difficult time with it, nobody's assuming I've failed. And if you tell or don't tell, when you start looking different, you will get the compliments!

    I do like having a weight-loss community, separate from my "real life," to share things with. I think that makes it easier. And I do occasionally post on FB when I've had a particularly satisfying victory, usually garnering a flurry of "likes" and then people just seem to forget about it, which is fine with me.

    Especially if they forget how I used to look along with it! ;) - 12/30/2011   3:27:18 PM
  • 117
    One of my best friends of 25 years has said to me, "how dare you lose more weight than me!" We have lost weight together in the past, but we have codependently gained and stayed fat together over the course of time. We do walk together occasionally; however I have determined that what Jay Jacobs of Biggest Loser season 11 told Melissa at prevention.com is the biggest truth and motivator for me today. He said, "the hard thing about weight loss is, it all comes down to you. And the great thing about weight loss is, it all comes down to you."
    I think it depends on your personality and the personalities around you as to whether you can share a lot or a little. But, ultimately, it comes down to me. - 12/30/2011   10:29:14 AM
  • SUNSET09
    116
    When you share, you tend to be more committed because people will be watching, some for your good and some, not so good. You are also accountable because you put it out there and who wants to be a public (non) loser?!??! - 12/30/2011   7:31:34 AM
  • IVY_13
    115
    I can't tell people what I'm doing. They get overly helpful and intrusive or they get judgmental and critical. Either way, they are paying waay too much attention to me. And that stresses me out...stress makes me eat more...etc... - 12/29/2011   2:50:01 PM

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