Poll: Do People Really Understand the Mental Hardships of Being Overweight?

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By: , SparkPeople Blogger
5/15/2010 12:36 PM   :  237 comments   :  19,158 Views

For the past year I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with some of my former classmates of 1980. Once a month we come together to sit down and catch up. We talk about old times, our families, jobs and everything in between. We can literally spend hours lost in conversation, laughter and sometimes tears. These great women, many of whom I knew in name only back in the day, have become such a wonderful network of support and encouragement for me.

Having spent most of my life, age 12 to 43, struggling with my weight, I never felt at peace with my body until the past 4 years. High school was a rough time for me. I was always heavier than many of the girls in my class and because of that I never felt like I fit in. I felt like a misfit. Much of that had to do with a lack of self-esteem on my part. I started my first diet when I was 12 and continued off and on until age 43. It’s a legacy I am not proud of, but one that has allowed me to get me to where I am today.

Many of these ladies never had a weight issue in high school so they could not understand, and rightfully so, the isolation of those of us who did. Thirty years later I can see the wisdom that my weight does not define who I am, but at age 15, 16 even 18 it was totally what defined me or what I thought at that time.

So this brings me to my question—Can those who have never struggled with their weight understand the plight of those of us who have?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand we all have struggles, but five years ago when I was forced to reflect on my own life I felt as though I was facing a mountain so high it was hard to see the summit from where I was standing. How could someone who only needed to lose 10 pounds or less relate to me who had to lose 80? How could they understand the emotional baggage of having to shop for an extra large size or larger? How could they understand the fear of being judged every time you went out to eat? Having others peer in your cart at the grocery store to see what you are buying? How could they understand the physical pain in your joints because of carrying the excess weight? The pure fatigue of doing just the simple things in life?

I once had a thin friend tell me years ago to just quit eating and the weight would come off. As simple as that seemed, that is precisely what I had been doing for 30 plus years and it only was making me fatter. She had little patience and more importantly little understanding and compassion.

However, when I started my journey I discovered that my weight issue was more involved than just eating fewer calories and getting in more exercise. While they are both very important and essential to our health, I had to walk the painful gauntlet of why I was using food to suppress my emotions. I was, and still am, to some degree an emotional eater. Food was the first thing I turned to when everything in my life began to spiral out of control. Food became my friend, confidant and comforter. It never judged me and it made me feel good--that was until guilt reared its ugly head. The minute the guilt kicked in was the minute I vowed I would start again the next day only to fail less than an hour into that day. I allowed my perfection to stand in my way of my success.

This journey we are on is one of self-discovery. One I like to call, “the why we do, what we do, when we do it” journey. In all the many years I spent dieting, the one area I failed to master was connecting my emotions to my eating. In other words, I had to stop and ask am I eating out of hunger or to suppress feeling the true emotions in my life.

My friend and I could never see the world in the same way. She believed if only I was better disciplined I could drop the weight. Sadly our friendship drifted apart and we both went our separate ways. That was a little over 7 years ago.

A few months ago I ran into her at my local mall and she was shocked to see how much weight I had lost and to hear that I was running. She was very complementary; however she appeared somewhat uncomfortable since she had put on some weight since we last saw one another and I could tell she wanted to get on her way. We said our good-byes and shared a hug and went about our day, but I was a little saddened that she felt the need to explain to me why she had put on the weight. Unfortunately, this is the most difficult aspect of the journey--and that is not judging ourselves like we feel others judge us. We should never feel as though we owe anyone an explanation unless we believe it will change the path we are on. So while many people may not be able to relate to our plight of having to lose 20, 40, 80, even a hundred pounds or more, our goal is not to change them but to change us.

Do you feel others judge you before they really get to know you? Do you believe those who have never had to deal with weight issues can relate to those of us who have?


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Comments

  • 187
    Congrats "Beck Diet Solution" reader! Definitely a new way of thinking about food and weight for most people. It's helpful not only because Dr. (Judith) Beck teaches Cognitive Therapy but her father (Aaron) INVENTED it. So it's from a good source. If you can follow the plan and actually change your cognitions, you will succeed. Not simple, but effective. - 5/17/2010   7:25:17 PM
  • 186
    After reading this blog and many of the comments, I have to ask a question with a question. Is it that you want people to only see the plight you face? I know people of all shapes and sizes, some of those people are over weight and are more confident and inspirational than the most in-shape people I know. I think sometimes we have in our heads what we think people are saying or thinking about us. We would probably all be surprised to find that while that is true some of the time, the rest of the time our own insecurities can totally misconstrue reality. Confidence is a great quality, and confidence, not how much you weigh often dictates how people see you. - 5/17/2010   2:28:09 PM
  • 185
    I always felt overweight - even at 107-110 (my lowest in HS) I am short. I gradually put on weight as others do and eventually went to overweight borderline obese. I was my worst judge - never really felt judged by others only occasionally - I must have worn it well or others were worse than me relating with my struggles... Again I will say I was my worst judge - feeling terrible about myself. My self esteem has sky rocketted thru the roof since losing 30 lbs - dh is my best cheerleader - I still struggle with food but much better - I still struggle with the last 10 lbs to goal... - 5/17/2010   2:16:12 PM
  • 184
    Thin people work at staying thin EVERY DAY. I'm reading the "BECK DIET SOLUTION" and Dr. Beck says that it is how the fat person THINKS that is the problem. When a thin person is hungry, she says "Oh, I can tolerate this hunger as I'll have a meal in 2 hours." The fat person fears hunger and has anxiety so she goes out to the vending machine to get a candybar and soda, etc. The book is so helpful since Dr. Beck teaches Cognitive Therapy. - 5/17/2010   2:09:35 PM
  • 183
    Yes I have felt judged all my life for my extra weight. Whether it was actually from someone else or just my feelings about myself that I thought they were judging me. Sometimes I think it is our own feelings about ourselves that we feel we are being judged. I agreed with the one person who commented that she was her own worse judge. I am very hard on myself and it has been an issue that has in the past sabotaged my own goals. It can be an endless cycle that we create ourselves and use other as excuses. - 5/17/2010   2:02:21 PM
  • 182
    Do you feel others judge you before they really get to know you? Definitely. When I weighed over 400 pounds, people would not look me in the eye when walking past me. They would act as though I was not really there.

    Do you believe those who have never had to deal with weight issues can relate to those of us who have? No, I really think that people who haven't had weight issues don't understand what it's like to struggle with a lifetime of weight issues.

    It's sad, but after I lost 240 pounds, my sister (who is overweight) said she thought I wouldn't understand her struggles to lose weight, now that I was "thin." Well, like an alcoholic - once a food addict, always a food addict. I will always have to be vigilant about what I eat and how much I exercise. I was not born with a high metabolism, and years of dieting have ensured that I will struggle to keep the weight off.

    My biggest challenge now is meeting new people, who have never seen me obese, and accepting their love and friendship, wondering if they would still have offered me that love and friendship had they met me 240 pounds ago. - 5/17/2010   1:53:26 PM
  • JAY75REY
    181
    Yes I feel judged sometimes based on being overweight. The heavier one is, the more people around you seem to take note of what you eat, how much you eat, and draw conclusions that are not kind, IMHO. I will NOT reveal to anyone my struggle with pre-diabetes (except my SP community and husband) because then the judgement REALLY gets bad..."if you didn't eat this you wouldn't be fat or diabetic, it's your own fault" and blah blah blah. If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all...

    However, one can be empathetic (or not) towards another regardless of their body weight. One needs to be raised or teach oneself to be able to understand another's point of view or life issues and be empathetic; sadly many people lack this social skill.

    I was not fat as a teen. I was seen as a leader, was smart and "popular" in high school. However, I cannot recall being happy or feeling superior to others. I had many inner issues and family problems to deal with. Perhaps this made me relate better to others who had significant challenges or problems. I hated cruelty and unfairness because I experienced it, though no one knew. I hope others perceived me this way, because it's still how I feel.

    I have now spent years of weight gain and loss; but I still understand everyone's reasons and issues with weight are unique. We can't draw conclusions based on our own experiences and apply them to others. Cada persona es un mundo...Each person is his/her own world.
    - 5/17/2010   1:05:14 PM
  • 180
    I definitely feel people judge me because of my weight. But like the blog says the first step is for me not to judge myself. Never mind what they think. - 5/17/2010   1:04:04 PM
  • 179
    I agree with this. I think if someone has no emotional connection to food and sees it only as a means to fuel the body they have no idea of the struggles someone who is overweight has. Especially if they have emotional eating issues. Of course everyone knows what they should and should not eat. If it was that easy more people would be thin! People should not be judgemental of overweight people, especially if they don't know what issues the person is dealing with. It could be physical, emotional. I don't think anyone WANTS to be heavy. Funny how the shoe was on the other foot the next time you saw her. Its too bad we have to equate our worth with whether we are fat, skinny, poor or rich. Everyone should be acceptable and worthy as they are. - 5/17/2010   12:49:59 PM
  • 178
    A lot of hostility against lean people here. That doesn't seem fair. - 5/17/2010   12:36:39 PM
  • 177
    Fat was a huge issue when I was young partly because the young wear more costumes. If you couldn't fit into the outfit, you felt participating wasn't an option. Definitely couldn't be a cheerleader. Nursing school uniforms came in my size. Class chose a graduation uniform which might work or might not work depending on the size range of the favored uniform. Luckily our class president had a large bone structure. Formals, bridesmaid dresses, wedding gowns - all about the dress. Clothes shopping with friends for fun - I have never, ever done that. Wearing a sports team uniform - nope never done that either. I moved past it when my oldest son joined the football team. I was sitting in the bleachers with a lot of moms who were definitely ex-cheerleader material. To the football team, they were not of particular interest - just a woman old enough to be somebody's mom. I was young when I realized that I would never be the hot chick. Growing older didn't impact my identity because appearance never brought me power or privilege so navigating through the passage of time was a much easier process. - 5/17/2010   12:34:17 PM
  • 176
    yes. I feel people definitely judge me before they get to know me. It is hard to feel like you are always "less than" because there is more of you. I would love to feel free from my issue with weight. I see glimses at times, but I still have a way to go. My motivation is my daughters. I don't want them to be/feel the same way. I want to break the cycle for them. It's slow going, but seems to be working. - 5/17/2010   12:06:25 PM
  • 175
    NO ONE judges me as harshly as I judge myself.
    - 5/17/2010   12:01:12 PM
  • 174
    This is a great post with a good discussion. As others have pointed out, a lot depends on how much empathy folks have. People with more are more accepting and understanding, even if they can't ever truly "get" it, you can tell they are trying. I also thing a lot depends on people's own fears. If they are very fearful of getting fat themselves, they are less likely to be compassionate and understanding with other people's weight problems. - 5/17/2010   11:53:07 AM
  • 173
    I think that while we feel judged by others when it comes to our weight we judge ourselves even worse. I can remember when I was little, I mean.. Little, tiny, itty bitty and my body image was terrible. I was 115 lbs and I could take anything, any little imperfection and make it a mountain. Now I look back at pictures and I have to ask myself, "What were you thinking?"

    Its ten years later and 5 years later from being 125lbs and it's hard to accept sometimes that I am where I am weight wise. I see people from my high school sometimes and I feel ashamed. But at the same time I have grown up, matured, and became a woman-in a womans body. As I'm learning to accept this I am learning to love myself too, and love me for every little imperfection.

    I find myself, like the author, having a hard time losing the weight because its not just about diet and excercise... there are days that sometimes I mentally just cant do it. And it can be overwhelming. But the truth is, you can't lose unless you give up. Kuddos to the author for making the changes and not giving up. - 5/17/2010   11:49:19 AM
  • 172
    Up until nine years ago I have been one of those people that other people hate because I could eat anything and not gain weight. (Yes, there is prejudice the other way, too.) Then nine years ago my partner almost died. She recovered but we can't do the hiking and camping we used to do. I quit walking. I gave up an active lifestyle to keep her company. I'm a "desk jockey" and sit all day, so that doesn't help. Then, to add insult to injury, menopause hit, bringing with it a change in body metabolism. So I've gained 100 pounds in about nine years. I didn't even realize it was happening. Sure, I've had to keep buying bigger clothes, but when your life is a series of emergencies, you don't pay attention to that. But now I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself. I don't feel fat, even though I'm in the morbidly obese category. I still feel like me on the inside. So I'm having to do a lot of mental somersaults to wrap my mind around all of this.
    Do I feel like people judge me on first sight? No, absolutely not. Maybe they do, but I wouldn't notice because I'm not conditioned to notice. I haven't had the comments, the fat jokes, the sideways glances or any of that bigoted stuff the rest of you had all your lives. I'm used to being a strong person in my own right and having people acknowledge that. I don't know what it's like to have lived like you have. So maybe that means something. When you've lived with decades of put downs, how do you pick yourself up? Wow, that is a tough one. I wish I had some good advice. It's not as easy as "sticks and stones", is it? I think you just need to keep your focus on yourself, and remind yourself of your successes. No one is as important as you! - 5/17/2010   11:18:51 AM
  • 171
    Do you feel others judge you before they really get to know you?

    100% yes, others judge me before they get to know me. That is one of the things that pushed me into losing the weight for good this time. I am a 40 yr old woman that has had two failed marriages, one because of abuse and the other because I stupidly entered the marriage liking, but not loving the man I married. I did this out of the desperation and fear of always being alone. The second marriage was 14 yrs after my first marriage had ended. I always saw myself as not good enough to be loved and therefore figured marriage with a good friend was the best I deserved. Since that time, I truly fell in love with a man who couldn't love me because of his fears of what his friends would think and the hurt he had suffered at the hands of other women.

    It hurt to be shunned by him because of my weight issues. This became a re- occurring issue with men in my life. As well as others when it came to applying for jobs.

    Do you believe those who have never had to deal with weight issues can relate to those of us who have?

    Some can relate while others will never be able to relate. Its life and the way people think, process, and are taught.


    - 5/17/2010   10:45:24 AM
  • RLMCCUE
    170
    I definitely feel that people judge me based solely on my appearance instead of getting to know me. Even though I'm overweight, I'm a smart, down to earth, friendly person who's always willing to lend a helping hand. People only see the 225 lbs and don't feel the need to get to know me any further.

    I've struggled with my weight all of my life. During grade and middle school I was teased about my weight, and it had a profound effect on me. During high school I was fit and at a healthy weight, but was not reed thin and therefore felt self conscious and overweight. I never participated in any sports because I felt that I was fat and not an athlete. I feel that I was judged by my gym teachers and the coaches of the sports team, as I was never encouraged to try harder, my gym teachers seemed to give up on me and let me do the minimum. The only sport coach who tried to recruit me was the track coach, and he suggested I try the shot put. I've always had the dream of becoming a runner and would've loved to try out for something like cross country, but never received any encouragement. - 5/17/2010   10:38:54 AM
  • BLUEBRIT
    169
    The person who wrote "slender people don't understand" is dead wrong! I've been at both ends of the stick. Extremely overweight and now, severly underweight. If you're talking about a slender person who has never had to deal with diets and exercise then I'll agree with you but as an extremely 'slender' person myself right now who is 'trying' to gain weight desperately, I have slender friends ragging on me all the time at my gaunt look. Therefore, I can look at an overweight person and understand exactly what they are going through. - 5/17/2010   10:15:21 AM
  • QUILTER2010
    168
    I am not 50 lb's overweight now but at one point I was. For my body and size. No one ever told me that I was overweight but when I thought I was... it was time to loose it. I lost it and now still struggle to keep it off. I am now a size 4 but still do not consider my self in shape. I lost the weight and if you were to see me today you would say... What you want to lose weight... I would say no but I want to get in shape. No matter what you weigh if you want to loose... DO It for your self and that will be the reason... not because someone else said you needed to. - 5/17/2010   10:01:05 AM
  • 167
    Judge me? - absolutely. Immediately upon sight. Naturally what you see first is the first impression before you can even open your mouth for a greeting or shake hands, before they have any inkling of your intelligence or personality. I don't remember a time when I wasn't being judged by someone because of my weight. When I go out on a date I try to avoid going to lunch or dinner. Any place but not a restaurant. I do not want to feel being watched what I order or eat or wonder what the other person is thinking. And despite what "thin" skinny" people might say - they truly do not understand the full impact in all areas of your personality and life of being obese wether that is a few extra lbs or morbidly obesity. I recently went to a health dietition counselor for a new program and of course all those counselor were at best a sz 4. I don't ever want to drop that low I will be perfectly happy with a sz 12, but why is it that all those counselors and dietitians look anorexic? I am taking weekly Tai Chi Classes and my instructor is the first "trainer" who actually does not has a perfect body, she is slightly overweight though she works out daily 6 days a week. Hypocritically I wonder why she still carries around extra weight with all this work out she is doing but the fact is, we are all made differently and carry our weight differently. Though anyone can see that I am heavily overweight, noone ever can "guess" my true weight, and usually they are 70lbs under target. One thing I wonder and maybe am a bit afraid about even once I loose all my weight will my mentality change with it? or will I then be a normal sz person still mentally thinking: "I am fat" ?..that bridge I will have to cross when I get there. - 5/17/2010   10:00:16 AM
  • 166
    I have been on both sides of the table. I used to be skinny, cute one that everyone wanted to be. People judged me then too. Some girls were jealous. I used to say "how could anyone let themselves get that fat." I would never be that way. I could eat anything and not gain weight. High metabolism at that time I suppose. Well, here I am 20 years later and 60 lbs overweight. Now I wish I was that skinny again and am jealous of those skinny, cute girls. So I am judging them too now. I get treated differently too. People just don't "notice" me anymore. When I was skinny people would say Oh, you are so cute and skinny. I used to get whistled at by the boys. Now they just don't say much, I suppose they don't want to hurt my feelings or something. I think it is part of human nature to judge. You make many decisions/choices in your life based on judgments. I know that thin people don't have a clue what it is like being overweight. I have been there. I now know that being over weight is more about the emotions in our lives that we are trying to bury or deal with. (Atleast for me it is.) Whether it is happy, bored, sad, angry, that food makes it better for a bit and then the guilt comes. I have alot more compassion for obese people now. I think when I see someone very obese "I wonder what their pain is about." I feel sorry for them because they are in pain emotionally. - 5/17/2010   9:28:45 AM
  • DACSAC
    165
    In a word, NO, a lt of thin folks don't understand. But it's not our place to judge them either as everyone has their own issues. And who knows, the thin person we're judging might just be further along a weight loss than we are. - 5/17/2010   9:07:43 AM
  • 164
    I am sorry but this blog made me a little angry! I have struggled with the exact same issues as most people who are over weight (emotional eater, poor body image and low self-esteem). I was blessed with a high metabolism that is the only thing that saved me from being 300 + pounds!
    For all of you who feel judged just think how you look at "skinny girls" when their grocery cart is full of junk food! Just think about how you treat people who are a size 6 that try to voice their concerns with body image. I get eye rolls and loud sighs and "I would kill to be your weight".
    This are all things I have had to deal with my entire life. I don't judge people for the weight they are because I know that I was just lucky. - 5/17/2010   8:27:12 AM
  • 163
    There is a reason for everything we do in life. Weight, whether your too skinny or too fat is one of life's challenges and we are given tools to learn how to combat and maintain logic and sacrifices.
    - 5/17/2010   8:16:19 AM
  • 162
    As I was reading your blog I thought to myself - can someone who's never had a weight problem truly understand someone who has one. The first word that I thought of was one that you wrote - compassion! Not pity, compassion! And yes, patience too. Thank you for an excellent article. - 5/17/2010   8:14:26 AM
  • 161
    There's so much about weight loss, exercise and nutrition that people don't understand, so it's not much shock to me that the naturally skinny would think that it's easy to lose weight if you just eat less. But it's just not that simple, when genetics, injury, body type, and available food sources all play their roles in how we're shaped, what we can do, and what we eat.

    Even though I've lost about 50lbs total since my heaviest at age 22, I was never "that fat." I know that since I was a size 16 or 18, people didn't judge me the same as a woman wearing a size 22, or 28. So when it comes to my bigger friends who could stand to lose 40, 50, or even 75 pounds, I keep my mouth shut and just encourage them to join me in active pursuits. Thing is, they're active people -- they love to hike and bike and dance. They're just fat. If they some day decide that they need to lose weight, I'll support them on every step. But I would never, EVER tell them what to do to lose the weight, because I can only imagine how hard it would be to lose that much weight. Encouragement and thoughtful advice has its place, but judgment and impatience should NEVER factor in. - 5/17/2010   7:12:02 AM
  • 160
    “Do you feel others judge you before they really get to know you?”
    Yeah they do...ALL THE TIME...its a natural tendency....Our eyes are the windows to our souls and the mind....We take in FIRST and assimilate what we SEE, and arrive at a conclusion, and make judgments...and the process doesn't take long...it takes only a fraction of a second...When we are fat, we send a different set of stimuli and the human person is naturally inclined to respond to these stimuli....hence, the judgments, prior to getting to know you...

    “Do you believe those who have never had to deal with weight issues can relate to those of us who have?”
    No they can NEVER relate to those of us who've had weight issues...it involves emotions, feelings, pain and hurt which have pricked our SOULS and HEARTS...and these cannot be ever interpreted or understood by people who've hadn't experienced them ever in their lives.

    - 5/17/2010   5:26:10 AM
  • 159
    I think there are prejudices in our society against overweight people. How many times have you seen the stupid person in a movie being portrayed as fat and lazy? This is one of the many things that has made it acceptable to dislike the fat guy at first sight without learning anything about him. As our fellow countrymen have grown heavier over the last few decades, I have watched them become less judgemental of others with the problem. It makes a big difference when you have the ability to see things from higher up the scale. - 5/17/2010   4:40:50 AM
  • 158
    I totally agree, fighting with self esteem is really hard. But I'm starting to see the positive effects of ' fighting' in general. Sooner or later we succeed in accepting our image.
    When I met my ex high-school mates, I realized I was the happiest with my body image. I've become a professional in trying to accept my body & image - however imperfect, while they are on their firts steps.
    So I've realized our struggle is going to pay back in the end. - 5/17/2010   3:12:36 AM
  • 157
    It is easy for people to tell if someone has weight issues. People tend to be superficial. So I do believe people judge overweight people. I do not think that someone who has never had a weight issue can truly understand what it is like or appreciate the emotional hardship the weight can cause. However, each person has their own cross to bear. Perhaps, I could never understand why a thin person would be offended if someone called them "skinny".
    I think it best if people try to reserve assumptions and take the time to learn the character of someone’s heart. - 5/17/2010   1:09:03 AM
  • 156
    I think I judge myself more than anyone else judges me. I have many thin friends and I never feel as though they see me as "different". Part of what I am studying for my business as an Image Consultant is the research on The Halo Effect, which relates very much to this blog. When someone is seen as attractive others automatically cluster many positive traits with them even if they are not true. Conversely, when someone is not as attractive they cluster negative traits with them. The blogger above who said that her mother thought she was not too bright is an example of this.

    - 5/17/2010   12:19:21 AM
  • 155
    I have this saying that people who can stop drinking sodas and lose five pounds have never had a real weight problem-they have a food problem. They get off the empty, junky food and drop weight without any effort because they were eating poorly. Than there's the rest of us who could starve, exercise and not lose anything but time! That's a real weight problem and those food problem folks have no clue-it's easy for them-a matter of some easy diet changes and it falls off. Not the rest of us-it's way more complicated than that. I have learned that I don't owe anyone an explanation-ever-nor do I open up about my weight because it always encourages unsolicited advice from clueless people. I won't allow people to impose themselves on me when I have not sought out that advice. It is NOT their business and I let them know when they try. They don't know what my metabolic issues are. I am not food addicted or have "food" problems-my main problem is a problem thyroid that messes badly with my metabolism among other physical issues. There are unfortunately alot of judgemental attitudes toward weight especially in this day and age since fitness, working out and wellness is the new push. - 5/16/2010   11:40:59 PM
  • 154
    No I don't think that people who never had weigh problems really understand. My older sister always complained about being heavy while my other sister and I were very thin. She wasn't but about 10 - 15 pounds heavier than us but she was also the shortest at 5'2" (my other sister is 5'4" and I am 5' 8". I didn't get heavy until after I turned 40 and my Lupus got real bad and I was bed ridden for close to a year, gained 70 pounds in 6 months and then it just piled on. Anyway the point was we never thought she had a weight problem and just that she wined about it all the time. Only after I gained weight and tried to lose several times since 1999 have I learned how hard it is to lose and how easy it is to put the weight on. She is now on this site and I am really hoping she does well on here. She has to learn to love herself more and work toward that goal. I think only then will she be able to lose the weight. - 5/16/2010   11:32:41 PM
  • 153
    They know about as much about being FAT as I know about being SKINNY!!! - 5/16/2010   11:31:04 PM
  • 152
    Great Blog!! - 5/16/2010   10:35:43 PM
  • 151
    A lot of naturally slim people seem to think that I'm really stupid even thought I have an high IQ even my mother has always thought I'm stupid.

    Jem - 5/16/2010   10:31:38 PM
  • 150
    People who have never had a weight problem ABSOLUTELY do not understand those who do, especially those who are very overweight. - 5/16/2010   10:28:05 PM
  • 149
    I believe people do judge you without getting to know you and people that never had a weight problem, absolutely CANNOT relate to us. A lot of them feel as if you just can't control yourself and should just stop eating and that it's JUST THAT EASY. But they fail to understand that for a lot of us, our weight issues are connected to emotional problems, and other issues. There are any number of reasons why a person can be overweight. People need to understand this before they judge or treat us differently, but instead they pile us all under this category of people that just won't stop eating and don't want to lose weight. As if we want to be fat and miserable. No one wants to be this way. - 5/16/2010   10:25:57 PM
  • ETHELMERZ
    148
    Very interesting comments indeed. I've had the "being ignored" thing happen to me, in stores in particular, when I was over 200 lbs., the sales lady saying that she "didn't see me", and then tell me I was looking at size 12 sweaters that wouldn't fit me, and I told her I was shopping for my niece who wore size 12......then the lady became interested in me. Our culture currently is pushing not just being slim, but SKINNY, seems women need to look like a 13 year old girl to be "perfect", and we should be willing to do whatever stupid thing it takes to get to that look. Take pills, eat 2 small meals a day, drink toxic removal teas that may hurt our livers, but "oh well".................billion dollar weight loss industry and all that. Then, look at poor Oprah, all the times she has lost weight with all the details on her talk show, telling us to not eat white things, don't eat after 7 pm, all kinds of nonsense that didn't work in the end for her either. I just take each day at a time, and have been doing better at keeping the weight off now at age 63 than I ever have, thanks to SP. - 5/16/2010   9:59:55 PM
  • 147
    This was a great blog-- several helpful points I want to remember. I have gained over 30 pounds since I married my husband 6 years ago, and every where I go I feel like people are thinking, "Man, has she packed on the pounds!" But I think of one thing my minister said a few weeks ago -- our problem isn't what we think of ourselves, or what others think of us, no, our biggest problem is what we think others think of us! - 5/16/2010   9:51:33 PM
  • 146
    Do you feel others judge you before they really get to know you? Do you believe those who have never had to deal with weight issues can relate to those of us who have?

    NO, I DO NOT I FEEL THAT PEOPLE JUDGE OTHERS I THINK THAT AN OVERWEIGHT PERSON MAY JUDGE THEMSELVES.
    YES, I HAVE BEEN ON BOTH ENDS OF THIS MORE THAN ONCE I THINK IT IS THE PEOPLE RELATED TO ME THE SAME WAY REGUARDLESS OF MY WEIGHT.


    - 5/16/2010   9:50:18 PM
  • 145
    absolutely!!!! - 5/16/2010   9:39:21 PM
  • 144
    Wow! I think this post hit home with so many of us who have struggled all our lives with weight issues. - 5/16/2010   9:39:18 PM
  • 143
    Slender people have no idea!!! Obese people are often wonderful people with so much to give. I always say that people who love to eat are the friendliest people! Too bad that health and image problems result. That part stinks. - 5/16/2010   9:16:30 PM
  • 142
    I really enjoyed reading this piece. It spoke to me in volumes.

    My days are dark due to the excess weight I'm carrying. I'm suffering from chronic depression. I feel like a complete failure.

    I'm tired of the constant struggle with my weight. It's sickening to me. - 5/16/2010   9:01:12 PM
  • QNBEEE
    141
    I understand to well how people hate fat people I have been fat from childhood to adulthood, I had lost over 125 lbs one time and put kept waiting for me to gain it all back.
    I had lost it through a Hospital program of all liquid diet. I went down to a size 10 from a size 24, I never felt so great for I had a like of medical problems pop up before I was on Oxygen 24/7 developed Sleep apena Then after I had lost the weight I had went back to good health. I kept it up for 5yrs then I became depressed and they put me on pills. I went from exercising to nothing. I went from 133 up to 347. Then I woke up again, I went back on the same program I have lost 123 so far. But now they are going to close down the program. Everyone is sick over it for it worked so well. I have tried a 1200 cal on my own but i just can't get the jest of getting the right combination of carbs and cals and fat right .Even though I stick to 1200 cals. So I am starting to gain again. I can't walk for exercise for I have torn tendons and bone spars in both feel, and a bad right shoulder. I was doing water exercises but now my foot Dr says I can't do them. it is making the tendon tear more.Whoo is me. But I refuse to quit.I am bound and determine to get the rest of this weight off now that the depression under control and off most of meds.
    - 5/16/2010   8:25:05 PM
  • GRAMJANX5
    140
    I believe that most people that have never had a weight problem can't understand the mental hardship that an overweight person has. People that are like size 0-6 that are with you & say things like "oh i'm so fat" while their looking at their selfs, make me wonder if are they having a problem with their self perception or making sly comment toward me. Like others have stated, the comments "just quit eating, or push yourself away from the table" walk in our shoes. My husband was always saying things like that, now the table has turned & he is now obese. I make sure not to make comments on what or how he eats. Hope by what I choose or keep in house will rub off.

    I feel this blog very interesting & has the fuel for discussion, & getting feelings out there, & thats what we need. - 5/16/2010   7:43:30 PM
  • LITTLEFAY
    139
    No one knows till they walk in your shoes. It is hard being judged. it is even harder when you realize that you are your own worst critic when you feel you want to disappear from view. - 5/16/2010   7:13:29 PM
  • SUNSET09
    138
    Those who have never had the "problem" don't know what it's like. It's so easy for some to come up with solutions they think will be a remedy however, you need to know the real reason for this "disorder" to get to the root of the "problem. They can only empathize and when you saw your friend again, I would have thought she would have been more understanding. We are falsely judged for some many reasons. - 5/16/2010   7:09:56 PM

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