In our home we have the essential to live. Not because we don't have money; but because I taught my children to live a life with simplicity. Now they are 27 and 25 and what we have a lot is love... a lot of love. - 8/19/2012   1:08:53 AM

I find that just sitting down and clearing my mind while meditating, even if just for five minutes each day, really clears my head, makes me appreciate things more, and fosters my creativity and happiness with who I am and what I already have.

That and just watching my four-year-old's joy at being alive and still discovering new things - it's contagious! - 12/30/2011   2:09:09 PM

Great blog! I have often felt overwhelmed and just racing to keep caught up. I have found one of the only things that seems to bring peace and ease that feeling is to make the conscious effort to acknowledge what is truly important to you in your life and be grateful for the many blessings our lives are filled with. Just because the rest of the world says you "need" something or should be doing something, doesn't necessarily make it true. Stay true to yourself and be proud of the commitment you have shown when you stick to your morals! - 12/20/2011   1:02:26 PM

Great blog, Thank you. An idea that I always aspire to but struggle with maintaining. The book “Simplify Your Life” by Elaine St. James offers 100 tips (some great some less so) and the Christian book “Freedom of Simplicity” explores the idea in a lot more depth. - 12/10/2011   11:47:15 AM

Everyone's comments are so thoughtful and helpful.
You have struck a theme close to many of us.
Finding balance is tricky, but I much rather have a less than perfect, messy life rich with daily experiences of family love. - 12/10/2011   7:22:06 AM

My husband and I are planning to live on the road for the first 5 to 10 years of retirement - beginning next fall. So we're consciously NOT buying, and are giving away - and eventually will be selling - much of our "stuff." It really is a freeing feeling! - 12/9/2011   7:09:50 AM

Our granddaughter, now 16, started collecting books for disadvantaged children when she was in 2nd grade. She canvases for the books, sorts them for grade levels, gets hundreds of books and goes to the schools and personally distributes them. Her parents do supervise but this is mostly done on her own. Then she stays and reads to the younger children. She has done this continuously for 9 years. - 12/8/2011   4:01:40 PM

There is a family whose 3 kids I have taught who have a great idea. I wish I had thought of it when my kids were young. When each child has a birthday, they receive gifts from their parents and grandparents, but anyone else (kids at a birthday party, other friends and relatives) are asked to bring something that would be donated to a charity. They might collect non-perishable food, clothing, toys. The kids are fine and even excited about it. As they've gotten a little older, they have researched a good cause in their area and help to prepare and deliver the donation. They are very inspiring. They have everything they need, and seem to be wanting for little...I wish I could say the same for my students who have so much they don't even know what they have, and whine for more. - 12/8/2011   5:43:05 AM

Thank you for sharing. There are places in my life I have simplified. However there is a lot more I wish to do. Especially in giving away the things I am not using. - 12/7/2011   10:48:17 PM

My sister has been teaching her kids (11.5, 9.5, 5.5 and 2.5) about helping others.
The oldest 2 have donated money from gifts to supplies for a local food bank, toys they no longer use (and in excellent shape!) to charities.
All 4 are aware of others' needs, though the oldest 2 have the greatest appreciation.

I have contributed to gift of memberships, performances at a childrens theater, sports event, youth sports fees or equipment, etc. I am now gradually passing along some of my favorite books from childhood...some even came from their Grandma or great Uncle (via me)...they love it and we can discuss the stories.

My book collection is "down" to 435 books +/- and my closet is gradually losing some of the stuff that is unworn for any reason (fit, color, texture, etc.).

The journey is filled with speed bumps, temptations and new goals. - 12/7/2011   9:01:15 PM

I live alone with three cats. I enjoy and long for peace and quiet. When my youngest moved out, I made one of the spare rooms a room for my cats and the other is a "prayer" room. I go there to rest, relax, concentrate, get away by myself in my own house. In my room, I see 100 things I could do, in this room it is specifically meant for relaxation, quiet and calmness. No TV, or electronics whatsoever. Come home, take off shoes, wash hands, change clothes, feed the pets, make a cup of coffee or tea and sit for a while. Also, I have learned to turn off the *&% cellphone!!! - 12/7/2011   4:31:34 PM

My suggestion, to all of us, is to give experiences or needed services rather than stuff. My mom hates stuff and if she finds she really needs something she has probably already bought it. So, we give her a membership to the local gardens (she loves plants) or lately Onstar for her car (something she needs at 87 and can't afford). Wouldn't it be nice if someone would give you a membership to the local kid's museum instead of more stuff?

I've been unemployed for 2 years, which means that I buy nearly nothing these days - definitely no gift buying. I won't be getting gifts during this season because I've been getting them all year - one sister has been paying medical bills and another has paid for experiences and supplied memberships. In a few months I'll move across the country to try to straighten out my life. Anything that I can't pack in a box and many things I could pack into a box will be going, so life will become very simple for me! - 12/7/2011   2:00:56 PM

I know the feeling, I have 4 children ages range from 18 down to 4 a grandson 6 months and a husband (all living in the same house hold)+ work, homework, chores, food, practices, ccd classes ect. the list can go on & on & on as I'm sure that most parents list could go on too. I try to make time for myself and feel so frustrated when I can't, kids always make me feel guilty like if I didn't deserve some me time, if anyone has any great ideas or suggestions please help us out and comment. Glad your making time, maybe its just time to put our foots down and do whats best for us too. - 12/7/2011   1:55:50 PM

I agree with you, but I don't have any answers. I think modern life has exacerbated some of my tendencies. If there is more than one good book on a subject I'm interested in, I'll want them all, and then struggle with the frustration of not having time to read them all. I love the latest electronics, and I have a hard time getting rid of stuff. I have more hobbies than time to pursue them, or space to store the equipment. Sometimes I think I'd be happier if I had fewer interests, or more limited choices.

Maybe the thing to do with children is to encourage them to give away something such as a t-shirt, book, or toy for each new one they receive. - 12/7/2011   1:16:07 PM

Very thoughtful blog, Jen. Always hard to balance personal choice (simplicity) with the culture we live in. You sound like you are doing a great job. - 12/7/2011   12:02:50 PM

Prioritize. Realize that this season in your life (with young children) is sweet and fleeting. Don't try to do it all- no one can. Write down what you want to invest your time and energy in right now and eliminate those things that don't fit . It doesn't mean forever. Your priorities change as your life does.
The years will pass quickly. Be sure that you are spending them in ways that reflect your priorities! - 12/7/2011   11:26:47 AM

I have three teens at home and one daughter away at college, so my answers to your first two questions are Yes and Yes!

To be honest, over the years (especially when the kids were younger and needed me more), I have not taken very good care of myself. The kids always came first, then hubby, then work, then the house...you can see it didn't leave me much time for anything for myself. A few years ago, when the oldest became a teen, I realized I needed to start taking care of myself FIRST. Then, I could be a better mom, wife, friend...etc. I am still trying to balance family/health/work every day. It is not easy, and sometimes floors don't get cleaned, or the laundry has to wait another day. But I think focusing on Quality of Life is a good goal; don't beat yourself up if you don't do it perfectly! Remember: it's the journey, not the destination. - 12/7/2011   10:48:09 AM

I have mostly lived a simple life never needed a lot of stuff to make me happy always enjoyed a beautifull sunrise or sunset NEVER over bought at christmas time, it was a time for family and friends not how much was under the tree - 12/7/2011   10:35:46 AM

When I was a working woman, I remember people asking me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas. The answer was always the same "More Time". Now that I'm retired, I can appreciate the time I have. My life has been simplified, just because the responsibilities I have are those that I have chosen to take on and not what someone else has assigned to me. I realize that being a Mom doesn't allow for such luxury now, but realize that there is an end to the "doing everything for everybody perfectly" road. In the meantime give gifts of yourself when you can - a day to take your child shopping for Daddy's gift, going through your child's things with your child and let them select those toys that they no longer are interested in and take them to a thrift store (be sure the kids go too, so that they can receive the appreciative compliments), taking some leftover stew to an elderly neighbor (be sure the kids are there for this experience also). These experiences take some time, but do not add to your household clutter and they will make a positive impression on your kids. - 12/7/2011   10:04:58 AM

What a great article. I'm on the 'simplify' road as well and so grateful to know the joy of this path. - 12/7/2011   9:19:33 AM

Great Blog, I feel the same way. I'm always trying to please other people perfectly and I stress out and end up not pleasing them because of a blow out. I do feel better after I've organized and purged a closet, drawer or room. Concentrating on exercise and diet through this site is helping me focus my ocd personality to better use. - 12/7/2011   9:04:16 AM

Git Er Dun!!! - 12/7/2011   8:58:38 AM

I find that life rolls, and when I, feeling overwhelmed, I always go back to my FastBreak goals. I go from running and biking to walking and yoga - simpler things that bring me peace knowing I can't do it all, but I can do some healthy things and still stay on track.

Like you Jen, I am not a shopper. I try to live with what we already have, where my hubby loves getting the new toys and such. It's hard finding a balance, and I think picking him to be in my life has taught me many things.

I loved this blog. So much to think about.
Judi - 12/7/2011   7:35:48 AM

Dear Jen and fellow sparkers, I struggle with the same issues: living a simple life. All that has been said resonates with me as well. I have found that my breath is the best tool to keeping things simple. When I feel overwhelmed, I bring myself to the simple act of breathing. IN brings me back to the moment and helps me tune into my body. I can then become aware of tensions, stress and concerns. I bring myself to make choices based on my needs rather than my wants. I strive to be in the moment as often as I can. Breathe! Namaste. - 12/7/2011   7:25:32 AM

As with everything else on this Journey, my getting to a simpler life has involved small steps. I live a less complicated life than I used to but there's always more that can be done! I, too, don't put much emphasis on New Year's resolutions but when I see an opportunity to make a change (and am mentally ready to do it) I treat that particular day as my personal New Year and go for it!

The world has certainly changed since we were children but what doesn't change is this: kids probably are not going to remember what "stuff" they got for Christmas. They're going to remember fun, warmth, security and love; great gifts to give anyone, regardless of age!!

- 12/7/2011   5:16:49 AM

We have a lot of guests, and I really don't want them to bring me gifts that I have to find a place for. Unless I know someone needs a particular object, my gift center around consumables -- chocolate or wine or other food treats, special pampering lotions and creams for friends overseas, or, for my daughter-in-law, a shopping spree with her. I certainly don't need more stuff!

As for simplifying life, we are orthodox Jews, and so Shabbat every week is a time for getting together with family, sitting down to wonderful long meals where we spend hours talking about things that are otherwise never get discussed, singing, and appreciating what we have. These times are more important to me than any "things" I may have. - 12/7/2011   12:42:52 AM

Have you tried to take the first 5 - 10 minutes of each day to just be and pick the top 3 things you want to accomplish during that day. Then take the last 5 - 10 minutes of each day to just be and comtemplate what you accomplished and how important those accomplishment were to the day/week/month/year/life you want to live? Remember some things are only important for the moment, others for a life-time! Only YOU know which is which. - 12/6/2011   6:19:31 PM

I love this blog, Jen. I, too, get stressed out by all the STUFF we amass, especially this time of year!
- 12/6/2011   5:13:08 PM

Great entry Jen. Love it. Hooks in to what I think and believe about simplicity... now if only I could practice it! - 12/6/2011   4:56:24 PM

Gifts received can be regifted. And it's possible to give gifts that don't involve spending money on "stuff". Ever since I was a little kid, I've given handmade coupon books for things like foot rubs, favorite foods, errands. My working mother with three children each less than a year apart especially appreciate this. Picking up and returning books to the library, organizing, coaching, baking, teaching.... and on and on and on.

Try it, you'll like it! - 12/6/2011   2:46:13 PM

I don't have an answer to your bigger question, but I have a suggestion for the "stuff" issue. Is there a branch of Freecycle near where you live? Freecycle is a Yahoo usergroup consisting of people who a) don't want stuff to end up in landfill; b) would like to get rid of some of their stuff and have it go to people who will appreciate it; and c) people who want or need free stuff. It's a bit like Craigslist, but focused exclusively on people who want to give or get free stuff. I have found it a pretty easy way to get things out of my apartment and into the hands of people who appreciate them.

Maybe you can encourage your kids to think about giving things away that they don't need or use anymore. Maybe you start by setting the example, very visibly -talk to them about why you are giving some things away and about the stories of the people you're giving things to. Then, after they've seen you practise this habit, you can encourage them to think about paring down their own possessions, especially if you can find someone who would benefit from their stuff. - 12/6/2011   1:51:23 PM

Remembering that things are not the important thing is a good start. I wanted to simplify when I was around 40 and the teens were on their own. I took a year leave and traveled to do volunteer work in Guatemala. The best experience in my life.Made me realize how simple things could get, also. Now I´ve gotten married, and my husband is quite time consuming. I take time in the mornings for half an hour just to sit and enjoy the first cup of coffee. (When I started to do this my husband also began getting up earlier, but I told him that this was my time and that I didn´t want to see or hear him for a while. I also take the time he´s napping to do things I enjoy and find worthwhile, and try to get into bed a little earlier to enjoy some quiet time with him. My life is not simplified yet, but I do enjoy the things I do and my life situation a lot. (I think something happens when you hit 55 or so, and stop thinking about what others want you to do and begin thinking about what´s important to YOU. I do about 40 hours a month of volunteer work and teach 3 or more hours weekly of English classes.) Life is great.
- 12/6/2011   1:33:18 PM

There needs to be a balance. I tried to give simply to my kids with a focus on the arts and people. We did museums and festivals with little to no electronics. I did stress a dress code of clean and matching outfits which often resulted in deliberate mis-matching to rebel, lol. I have just one tip, Girl Scouts was great for my girls. The program is based on an excellent model. I understand Boy Scouts is equally as good. Check it out. Victoria - 12/6/2011   1:08:16 PM

When I became burnt out and overwhelmed with all the clutter (physical and mental) in my life, my sister told me about Flylady.net. This website and accompanying "stuff" really worked for me in my life. I'm still nowhere near perfect, and that's okay. It a baby-step thing and it's about making little routines in my daily life that adds up to a big difference in my home and my life and my mental state! - 12/6/2011   12:37:16 PM

Very, very true. My "kids" are grown; youngest is 19. Two are away in college and one is back home, working and doing grad school. Seems like life would be slower paced, but it's not. The thing that seems to help me the most to "keep my priorities straight" is to volunteer. Last night I helped wrap presents for women and children at a domestic violence safe house. It felt wonderful and really made me thankful for all I have. Tomorrow night I work with children at my church and that, too makes me very thankful (and very tired :) - 12/6/2011   12:27:45 PM

Yes. I'm in the process of selling almost everything I've accumulated over the past 50 years. I'm enjoying it - and it's amazing how much I have found it easy to part with! - 12/6/2011   12:16:58 PM

Spot on. My kids are the same age as yours (3 and 5) and I've always prided myself on kids focus on playing with each other -- not things. Of course, they get tons of gifts from friends and family, and that's okay. However, this is the first year that I'm hearing the, "I want that and that and that and that." I, too, crave the simple, but sometimes it seems working toward simplicity is more complicated than just letting it be! - 12/6/2011   12:09:47 PM

Jen, your post really strikes a chord with me. I'm always wondering where the time went and why life can't be simpler. One thing I've noticed is that to simplify, you have to say no. It is not easy as the kids get older and litigate every point of disagreement or the spouse isn't behind you.
One thing I did (before kids - 27 years ago) was say no to TV. I have never regretted that decision and feel like it was great simplifier. I remember also having to tell my son no to karate because he was already in soccer. I see parents who try to let their kids do everything and they end up being a taxi/laundry service and get very little of the quality family time that was their goal in the first place. Multiply this by 3 or 4 kids and it's over-the-top crazy.
I think when we express an aversion to clutter (things that take up space, time, or energy) we are really sensing a craving for the things that got crowded out by it(relationship, family time, quiet time). We should never give up trying to simplify because it frees space, time, and energy to do the things that matter most. - 12/6/2011   11:59:45 AM

I completely know how you feel. I have always been a simple person as well. My husband too (he would probably live in a cave if I let him). We don't have a bunch of stuff. We don't have I Phones or Smart Phones, blue ray players, or a flat screen tv. We have the things we need and our Family.

We are tie dye artists with a growing business. We are crazy busy seasonally. From May to October we don't have a minute to think. I have 3 websites that I manage, several stores that sell our tie dyes, and we vend at about 25 events through our season.

Me and my husband hand tie and dye all of our items, so keeping up our stock is a big concern that leads to crazyness too. Sometimes I have been found in my dyeing studio at 2am still dyeing. Tie dyeing is my passion though, my expression of art, a part of myself that I can share with others.

We have an incredible daughter who is 4 years old going on 16. Ember Rain. Ember is my center, when the world is swimming inside my head and I can't find a minute to breath, my Ember drags me to the couch to cuddle and watch movies. My most favorite time is when My husband, Ember and me are twisted into a pretzel on the couch, together talking and watching movies. That is how I make it. My small, simple, wonderful family.

During the holiday season when everything is commercialized and all we hear is I wants, we should think of what we have a what we need. We will find ourselves in a much better state of being. Let's all just breath.

Elisabeth - 12/6/2011   11:50:34 AM

Call me anytime, I can help coach you..free of charge..2818068079 - 12/6/2011   11:47:23 AM

The article relates to the meaning of Christmas which is Christ. And organizing your life. I throw away anything that is worn. Go thru my possessions and receipts etc, to lower accumulation. For example, I scan into the pc all receipts and keep them on a online location. I then throw away the hard copies. But different from the article some items I do buy two of. Items that I and my family use allot. Household items, some clothes, Toothpaste, toothbrushes etc I reasonably stock up on to prevent running to the store - 12/6/2011   11:44:52 AM

I personally loved your blog..My husband and I were just talking this morning how society as a whole worry too much about "stuff"..Keeping up with the Joneses, Smiths, and Kardashians..none can find true happiness. It's always about what we have, don't have or whatever..From the jobs we have, cars we drive, even which neighborhood we choose to live. Does anyone remember what a rose smells like, or being able to ENJOY a lousy cup of coffee?
I too have downsized our "stuff"..I too still have a long ways to go..but, I'm still persevering to make that comittment. Which, by the way..has been in the process for the past three years. I to o, am getting better..When you start ridding yourself of your own clutter, the weight of the world doesnt seem so heavy. I know it sounds strange,all I can say is try it yourself..start small, so you don't become overwhelmed..Once you start, though, it's easier next time..especially, if you have become a storage facility for someone else.Afterwards, you can really start separating the dramas in your life, and only deal with "your stuff..(emotions, problems, etc)" I think it's great your instilling your own values..think of how the world would be if society in itself could and would turn back their hippity-hoppity-no-time-to say hello-goodbye-Im Late,Im late,Im late-Im late-got to have it-way in over my head debt attitudes? Keep up the good work! - 12/6/2011   11:40:36 AM

What a great blog! I think that a lot of us face the same challenges... there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. It's hard, but I've decided that a lot of things just have to be "good enough." I don't want to waste my free time cleaning to perfection, running errands, or dealing with stuff, when I could be enjoying my DD.

And you know what? The house is clean enough. The weekends are less hectic as I'm not running so many unnecessary errands. And bringing less stuff into the house is fantastic for my sanity AND my bank account. - 12/6/2011   11:36:35 AM

Janeto141 hit it on the nose. Prioritizing to put what you want to be remebered for should be the top of the list. Children grow up so fast, so get to know them and let them see the you that they will take with them through life. Don't sweat the small stuff and remember it is your life too. So enjoy it. Good luck! - 12/6/2011   11:34:41 AM

I can completely relate to your issue. I purposely did the majority of my Christmas shopping early this year, so I would not feel that panic like I have every other year. Thinking okay I've got this Christmas thing whipped. However now I'm stuck with Christmas busyness! YUCK! Two concerts in two weeks, the Christmas drama at church, live nativity,going out of town with my youngest for an honor band, throw in regular errrands & I am overwhelmed....My solution for next year is to say "no" to things that would just add un-needed stress to my life. I like you want to slow down & appreciate my family & friends & not be so grouchy b/c I've got play practice & my oldest has guitar lesson & euphonium lessons in the same day. It's just been nuts this year & it's only December 6th! - 12/6/2011   11:22:26 AM

Thanks - nice reminder to appreciate life instead of "stuff" - 12/6/2011   11:20:55 AM

I've been thinking similar thoughts myself. How I need to declutter my life. You're so right about stuff not being the answer. I think your family is very blessed to have you and I hope they recognize and appreciate you. Thanks for writing this. - 12/6/2011   11:07:56 AM

Yes, and yes to the first two questions. I think you are not alone, most women in relationships will probably agree to your first two questions. The trouble is, if you are always preparing for the next event or happening with your children or in your life, you are not fully present to what is going on, and later , when you try to recall, your memory is "poor". My personal experience is not that I have a poor memory, it's that I wasn't truly there to have memories. How to be in the present is a challenge particularly for women who are terrific multi-taskers. The research, however, just being released, is that this does us harm through increased stress levels, the poaring out of cortisol, our flight or fight response hormone, with the consequent elevation in blood pressure, additional weight, insulin resistance syndrome, and the list goes on.

So the bigger question is what do we/you/I do about it. Meditation is scientifically shown to address just what you want. I, for one, tend to scoff at this, but at the same time, am a professional in health, I have read the research, and so cognitively accept it, but seem to actually have trouble in the "doing". I have recently started to carve out 10-15 min, at the end of the day, to sit with my tea in front of the fire and try to read the paper or what ever. The point is, to try to get in the habit of doing it, and track it, just like starting with 10 minutes a day of exercise as advocated by SP. IT IS HARD. But what does that say about me? I can't sit for 5 -10 min??

I don't have the answer to your question, other than what I've written above, but know you are in the vast majority of women and it is an impending physical and mental health issue. Luckily, you sound like you are younger than me, since your children are young, and so you can better perhaps start with healthier choices.

Bottom line, try meditation, yoga, tracking quiet time to make it a habit, prioritize your daily activities, with attention and fun with children at the top of the list, exercise to reduce stress levels, and put the perfectionism away. Non of us can aspire to this elusive goal and so it causes stress and unhappiness. Lastly, think to yourself what your kids are going to remember: a mother who always got things right who was never there, or a Mom who found time to play a game after dinner, even though there were dishes and laundry to do. It is easier said than done, but do it, for all the reasons above. Never can you get back the time you give away to activities that no one will thank or remember you for. Take back your time, enjoy those children. One last thing, engage other family members to help out a bit. And if their help is not up to your standards, put it away, and always stay focussed on keeping your eye on what is truly important. Knowledge of this will centre you, keep you focussed, help you priortiize daily, and make you a happier person. I speak from many years of being like you, and have some of the regrets I've mentioned above as a result. So this is my way of reaching out a hand and say to one of my sisters, "carve out time for you and prioritize based on what you want your children/partner to recall about you!
I hope this helps!
Jan - 12/6/2011   11:02:44 AM

Thank you for a great blog. It gave me much to think about. - 12/6/2011   10:55:36 AM

Thank you for this blog.... it voices my sentiments about gifts and 'stuff' very well. This time of year, most folks go over the top, caught in a frenzy of activity.

This year, my 2 gal friends and I have toned down our gift giving to one small gift for each of us. And we plan to get together for tea and a visit when we exchange the gifts, since we don't have much time to visit anymore. To us, the visit is more important than getting/ giving more stuff.

Enjoy your little ones (mine are in their 20's now and the time goes so fast). I think the best lesson I ever learned about parenting came when I realized that, yes, we teach our children good values, but just as important is the fact that our children are here to teach us, or at least to help us learn our lessons (just incase we haven't slowed down enough to do our own work)!

It is important to enjoy the journey as you enjoy the season!! - 12/6/2011   10:52:31 AM