This article is really interesting...I have to confess that I find really overweight people really hard to deal with, just as I find really underweight people hard to deal with...

It actually has nothing to do with appearance...it's the result of having some bad experiences over the years with people who have eating disorders.

Here is my experience...

In the workplace, I've worked with several Anorexics who have been overworkers, focussed on unecessary details and quite poor at inter-personal relationships. They stick to themselves and are emotionally distant.

Very obese people I've worked with took a lot of time off work, were ill-suited to anything but desk based work (they got winded and very tired when asked to present, walk around etc...) and found it really hard to be empathetic towards others.

In my personal life, I've had some awful experiences with obese people - very aggressive, defensive, disorganised and unwilling to accept other people's opinions.

My view now?

Anoerexics blame themselves for their problems.
Obese people blame everyone else for their problems.

These are just my observations and experiences over the years; you don't have to agree...

It will take a miracle to change my mind on this... - 4/23/2013   12:13:26 AM

i grew up with my mom telling me every day i was fat and ugly. ever since i was around 4 years old. my mom would go on diets and force me to do them too which being a young child usually left me very hungry every day. when i was a teenager i was active in volleyball and playing tennis with my dad and i was thin but i wanted to learn to eat healthy to lose the extra 10 lbs i had and tone everything up. my mom would start eating right with me and we would go on walks. then when i would tell her how i lost my 10 lbs and how happy i was she would sabatoge me and start buying junk food and making crap meals as a snack and bully me into eating it. ive never had high self estieme because of her. even when i was 16 140 lbs and solid muscle i thought i was fat and ugly. im 23 now and im 100+ lbs overweight and im finally turning it around. i keep getting turned down for jobs i would be perfect for and i feel it is because of my weight. i hate seeing those kids that make fun of the bigger people. i hate that i dont want to go to mall because i feel like im being judged if i go into a store made for skinny people. people laugh at me when im out with my best friend who is a size 4. she yells at them when they do and stands up for me because she knows how hard im working on losing the weight. i joke about my weight to my friends and family and they all joke with me and im ok with that because they will make the same jokes about themselves. - 4/2/2013   3:38:35 PM

Read thru all the comments for this blog, and am pretty floored at how narrow-minded and shallow some people are. They still act self-righteous (I know how to fix you! I've been there!) instead of grasping the point.

The point of the article is: don't treat others differently because they are overweight. That's all. Simple point.

We are supposed to be spreading the Spark. So, let's spread it by showing that we view everyone as a good person instead of defining them by their size. - 5/15/2012   8:05:18 AM

We make assumptions based on what we've experienced, and if we are thin, we have probably dieted and exercised, to try to stay "fit". A thin person might assume that someone who is obese must have the same knowlege and experience as they have, but lacked the willpower to stop eating or start exercising. Thin people are not so evil. If you do not assume weight gain is something you have power over, then, it could happen to you at any moment. As mentioned, very few people desire to be overweight, and I would guess that the people who make fun of the obese are doing so in response to their own fear that they may lose control and gain weight. If a "fatty" is seen as less capable, then it eases the fear that "skinny" might be succeptible. It is still hurtful and rude, but, in truth, no one who is confident feels the need to bring others down. Don't let their comments linger for too long in your heart. Everyone has a capable mind and a sensitive soul with potential you cannot understand if you are too quick to judge. - 1/24/2012   10:56:41 PM

I like the honesty in this blog to a certain extent. There are certain things that I agree with and others that don't make sense. I will however say that I have more recently changed my thinking on obese people. I used to be (and still am sometimes) one of those that definitely looked at obese people and thought, what is their problem? Why don't they get up and move and make some healthy choices? Why do they let themselves go like that? Then just recently I saw my husband's aunt and didn't even recognize her at first. She had put on a large amount of weight since the last time I had since her and I couldn't even tell it was her. But you know what? It wasn't because she had gotten lazy or complacent. It wasn't because she was making unhealthy choices or because of anything in her control. It was because she had gotten cancer and was undergoing so many different treatments and issues that she couldn't hardly walk. She tried as much as possible but even then she had a hard time going more than 100 feet or so without stopping because she was so weak from all she was enduring. Seeing that (and her frustration with her weight gain) has definitely helped me see obese people in a different light. I'm not saying that's the reason across the board (obviously it's not) but try to remember when you are looking at people that they might have a deeper issue that you don't know about that is causing the obesity. - 1/12/2012   9:05:00 AM

I have two great women friends that I love. They are kind, intelligent and lovely. They are both obese and I would do anything that I could to help them but it's kind of like the elephant in the room that we never talk about. They have to know that they are really fat; they don't need me to tell them. It bugs me that they don't do anything about it but as many others have noted, we all make choices. I respect theirs although I think they realize that they miss out on a lot of great things in life because of their weight. Oh well. - 1/11/2012   11:52:49 AM

I was generally thin most of my life. Then when I turned forty I started gaining weight & over the next eight years I gained 85#. I then was able to shed all but 10# but I looked & felt better. Then, as a result of sleep deprivation I gained 50# in four months from 9 - 12/2007. The #s continued creeping up & I presently weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I hate the excess weight. Yes I want my thinner, healthier body back but due too many health issues it is difficult for me to exercise to any great extent. Walking isn't even an option as it was once as both my knees need to be replaced. I do my best to watch what I eat, however, I don't eat much to begin with. Someday maybe I'll figure it all out. I've been bullied most of my life, it just wasn't because I was overweight. It doesn't matter what the cause is, any & all stigma causes harm to those who are it's victims. - 1/9/2012   11:47:24 AM

I appreciated this blog and all the comments. Each one had a truth... or truths.

Beth, sounds like you're feeling pain because you're needing understanding and acceptance? Addiction is baffllng to those who don't share that particular hell. When I was actively alcoholic the "normies" in my life could not understand why I couldn't just "sip" or give it up. In my experience, there is no choice in active addiction. I know those hopeless "born that way" feelings. What's important, I believe, is not that other people understand our situation but that WE do. We can't control whether others love and support us but we can start loving and accepting ourselves.

That said, there ARE solutions available to overweight. (Improvement can happen even with tough medical conditions. I have juvenile diabetes and gained quite a bit of weight treating insulin reactions. Weight loss is more difficutl with this condition but it can be done.) In that way it's a different situation than race, sexual identity, ethnicity and other prejudices as some have pointed out.

I was a course marshall at the 2011 Seattle Marathon last month. There were several BIG women RUNNING the marathon. They were stronger athletes than I, for sure. I'm betting they didn't start there. I also bet they are the targets of all kinds of negative assumptions in checkout lines. I hope they don't care because they know they are athletes and that they won't let anyone else's opinion stop them.

Bless you on your path to Light and Love. - 12/4/2011   3:45:31 PM

You know, I've seen many people make comments that run to the tune of "I haven't got the time to take care of myself properly because I'm a parent/carer/businessman or woman that's working hard" etc etc.
I'll say the same thing that I say to myself. It's actually from a Nike ad, but it rings extremely true. "Someone with less time than you is out for a run right now".
I know it doesn't exactly fit with the blog theme, but it's something to think about. Also, I agree. I was born at 5.8lbs and screaming. I was not born the way I am now. Years of bad choices and then a decision to start making good ones made me this way. I take ownership of my situation because I'm the only one that can. - 10/18/2011   4:14:31 AM

It always shocks me when I read blog comments that are mean and not supportive on spark people. We are all here trying to be healthy and learn new ways of improving oneself. As a fat person I could give you a million excuses, but none are valid to anyone who thinks that fat people shouldn't be alive to begin with. I know why I am fat, I know that I am fat for that matter, but no matter if I have a reason or not, I still demand and expect to be treated with dignity and respect and try to show others the same courtesy. Shame on people who feel they can be disrespectful to any person for any reason. - 8/10/2011   3:10:39 PM

You know, I've gotten the odd comment here or there, mostly from kids, and it never really bothered me. Yes, I am fat. Yes, I do look different. Kids point out things that look different. By itself, a comment from a kid never bothered me - and now that I have kids myself, I know that when a rude remark pops out I often wait until we get home to address it because you never know what will come next. What has bothered me more is the underlying assumption of incompetence. I've always had to prove myself doubly to get respect - I can recognize the surprise on a new co-worker or student's face when they realize that I am not only good at what I do but most likely smarter or more competent than they. I went to NYU law school on a full academic scholarship, and was offered scholarships by two of the four schools that ranks higher. How many people can say that? But I always have to rebut the presumption that because I'm fat I'm stupid.


My husband is severely underweight. We make a very odd looking couple; him short and skinny-skinny and me tall and morbidly obese. He was telling me one day that he'd love to have me come visit his office because he has two colleagues (lawyers!) who are constantly complaining about fat people and making fun of them and he just sits there listening and thinking how embarrassed they would be if they realized they were essentially insulting his wife.

They complain about a fat person who took too long bending down to get his neck lanyard ID to the contact to open the door. (What about a tall person? Why is this a fat problem?) They complained about a fat person who asked them to move their bag from the metro seat -- all fatties are so entitled! They try to avoid walking near fat people or having to talk to them -- they are so self-absorbed and usually stupid. My husband refused to repeat the insults, insisting there was no point (he's probably right) and he didn't remember them anyway (yeah, right!).

I was really taken aback. No one's ever spoken to me like that, but is this really what they're all thinking? - 7/25/2011   1:12:35 PM

What a wonderful and educational blog. The other day, someone on Spark said that when you look at a heavy person, you are looking at the unhealthy choices they made in the past, not necessarily the healthy choices they are making right now. That resonated a lot with me. - 7/20/2011   12:03:32 PM

Some people can eat and sit around without gaining wait. God Bless them. I have to face the fact that that is not the way it is more me.

I hate it when a child says, "Mommy that lady is fat" and the parent doesn't respond and lets the child keep making comments that hurt my feelings. The fact is I am fat. One child kept it up in the grocery line so long, I finally said, "You better eat fruits and vegetables and forget about those chips, cupcakes and candy I see in your cart or you will look just like me. Grab a carrot and not the cupcake." The little boy's eyes bugged out and he looked at me and then at the cupcakes. I wonder if he had a cupcake later.

You are right I do not want to be fat. When I was under 21 and living at home and going to school, I did not have control over what we ate or when we ate, but I could have gone for a walk, road my bike, etc. The fatter I got the less I moved.
When the only memories you have are of being fat, you just accept it. People see a fat person as lazy. The solution is you work harder and more hours to show your the best and end up moving less and hittin the drive-ins and vending machines. The weight slowing increasing. Since it is slow you don't notice the changes as much . Even professionals blame anything from a hang nail to a headache due to fat but didn't provide you with a referral to a nutritionist, therapist, etc. Most likely becuase insurance carriers discourage it while at the same time saying they are for preventative health. Last year a doctor I didn't even know and was not treating with came in to my room and said "Oh my God, Oh my God are you fat." He then tore the sheet off of me and said, "Your even more discusting naked and walked out." No life isn't easy, but I can change. No more beef, potatoes and gravy with buttered bread and 1/4 cup of generously boiled green beans with butter. I am cutting back on beef adding in fish and poultry and a variety of vegetables steamed or raw with herbs and not butter. I am moving and stretching. As the pounds come off I will get more aggressive in exercising.

- 6/11/2011   6:20:52 PM

Very beautiful blog. Lady Gaga is right .. No one in this world is perfect neither are the people who are giving judgmental remarks. - 6/1/2011   5:15:33 PM

Wow, just read the comments added since I last read this, and I am appalled anew by the judgmental nature of some. No one has the right to "call out" those who are overweight. (Who died and left you in charge?) We have NO CLUE what-all contributes to a individual person's weight! Experts are still arguing over different aspects of weight and health issues.

I don't hear a call for pity in the blog, either, but a call to fight stigma and treat ALL people with respect, period. So somebody convinced a neighbor to join SP and he may not be doing anything more with it. So what? It may not suit him. It is his life and he is still a human being to be respected and treated humanely. Maybe the guy opted for Weight Watchers or decided he doesn't give a hoot. Maybe it's none of our business? Whoa, what a novel thought.

I still disagree with the simplistic SP philosophy that weight is SOLELY a matter of calories ingested vs calories expended. And for heaven's sake, yes, there are large people who are perfectly healthy. Saying, "I know, because I was that way" is judgmental, too, because there are a multitude of factors in weight. I don't appreciate judging people as "weak," again because we don't know the whole story. I was also born overweight or underheight and looked like a pale Buddha. I don't blame my genetics; I work with its effects.

I applaud those who are positive and encouraging, those who are compassionate. We don't know, just by looking, what steps someone is or isn't taking. Each person has a story, a life, genetics, and so on. Perhaps people are taking baby steps. Maybe that huge amount of food is less than they used to eat, or they are adding healthier foods to their diets and still indulging occasionally in certain treats. That's positive, but onlookers wouldn't know that. Even if it's a coworker or someone you are familiar with, you don't know their entire story, so reserve judgment.

The point is, people should not be judged for their size and mistreated, insulted, given unsolicited advice, and so on. It should not be socially acceptable to be cruel. If we want to help others become healthier, I think we'd better find positive ways to approach the issue, not confrontation, penalties, cruelty, or rudeness. And please let's teach our children and grandchildren to treat all people with equal respect. Kudos on the blog, Beth.

~~ Just a starry-eyed idealist truly pained by cruelty ~~ - 5/28/2011   4:34:12 PM

Wonderfully written. Tore my heart out - 5/27/2011   12:34:52 PM

We all know that in most cases, being overweight is a result of wrong diet and fitness choices (conscious or unconscious). And there can be various underlying issues why these wrong choices are made. In short, an overweight person is like a neon sign pointing out a problem that has not yet been fixed, and some people just love to point out weaknesses in others.

I think that's just plain mean, but these days it seems ok to be mean to fat people. Why? Because in today's society, fat is simply not 'cool' or (dare I say it) sexy.

I mean, ok, so I'm fat. Contrary to what some people think, I KNOW! And for all you know, I could actually be doing something to work on it. But somehow, complete strangers feel that it's ok to be rude, to make fun of and give stupid advice to fat people.

What really gets me annoyed is that you never see the same treatment being given to smokers and alchoholics (unless they really go crazy). Yet, these are also unhealthy lifestyles that can lead to death or debilitating illness. Despite the fact that a smoker is slowly killing him/herself you would hardly find strangers going up to a smoker and rudely telling the person to get rid of that butt (pun intended!). I have never seen people laughing and snickering behind their hands when a smoker walks by. And drinkers are generally viewed as fun and outgoing people, while drinking is viewed as a social activity. In short, smoking and drinking are seen as cool and sexy, so society doesn't really have a problem with the people who do it.

It's a double standard and it makes me sick! Everyone has problems, it's just that, overweight people can't hide the fact that they have a problem. That doesn't give other people the right to make fun or cutting comments. It doesn't help and only makes the person feel bad. So, just STOP already! - 5/27/2011   10:39:01 AM

To be perfectly honest, this article really disturbed me. I'm assuming it was meant to be motivational, but it really just seemed like something an overweight person would want to tell themselves as an excuse to what is likely what they consider a "problem" or would want to change about themselves. I know most of us wish we could blame our weight on a thyroid problem, or on someone else but that's not reality. That mentality will never help you lose weight. Overweight people aren't generally anymore stigmatized than they were just a few years ago. The worst thing an overweight person could ask for is pity. Just about every type of person has something they dislike about themselves. While I would never ridicule or humiliate another person, when I see someone else that is overweight I generally assume they are lacking self control. That is the largest part of their problem. They don't take responsibility. I definitely believe that "No one chooses to be fat" directly, but they do "choose to eat irresponsibly." Yes, everyone should enjoy themselves and definitely eat their birthday cake, but continually making unhealthy decisions does lead to becoming overweight, so essentially you are choosing to be fat. Being healthy isn't always a number on the scale or the size on a pair of jeans, it's a lifestyle. You can still enjoy certain foods in moderation. If food makes you happy, eat! But I'm sure that just because you enjoy chips that doesn't mean you don't enjoy apples as well. Overweight people can be easier targets, they generally seem lifeless and always unhappy. There will always be people out there to prey on the weak. I'm proud to be who I am, overweight or not. I'm still enjoying my life and because I have such a positive outlook, and great personality I'm never made fun of. Why would someone find it easy to make fun of someone who is so full of life? Life is good and if you can't make good with yourself, don't ask it of anyone else. Losing weight doesn't "start your life", so slowly start making a change and you will realize all along how much time you've been wasting. - 5/24/2011   1:50:12 PM

People generally make fun of, or harshly criticize, someone else as a quick, cheap way to temporarily feel better about themselves. We all have struggles and imperfections and some of the most perfect bodied among us struggle with hidden addictions. Many factors contributed to me going from 93 lbs as a young woman to 193 lbs as a middle-aged woman. I work on the factors that I can control - how much I sleep, what I eat, how, and how much I move, and my committment to better health. It is always easier to criticize someone else's outsides than honestly assess our own insides. - 5/23/2011   11:26:04 PM

I am so glad that I took the time to read this and then everyone's response to it. I want to thank you, indygirl, for writing this blog. I also want to thank everyone who commented. It was an eye opener that there is such a strong anti fat feeling from some of the members on this site.

When I was in my teens I was very overweight. On one particular day I had been shopping and walked by a gym that just opened at the far end of the strip mall I was shopping in. I had a bag of oreo cookies that I was asked to pick up. While standing and looking at the signage a man, probably an employee, asked if I wanted to enter a draw for a free membership.

I was 15 years old, overweight with pimples. The fact that a man was talking to me kicked my shyness and ackwardness into high gear, so I shook my head no. I'm sure his comment "Yeah, that's right, go home and eat your oreos" was meant to be helpful. Like come on, don't eat that, please see that it is killing you. Instead, I used those oreos to stuff the shame.

I do not blame him. I know it was my choice. However, I can honestly say that I would not have eaten an entire bag of cookies in 30 minutes if he had not made his helpful comment.

Some people just need to learn what healthy eating and active lifestyles look like. Some of them may be very overweight, some are barely overweight.

Other people have incredibly unhealthy relationships to food. I was one of these people. I am still a work in progress,

I do not want something I say to "help" someone make the same decision I made that day. I try to be respectful. I try to only offer comments when invited. I try not to give advice, but to speak from my personal experience. I speak up when I see someone making inappropriate comments. I do not buy the magazies that speculate on whether this actress has gained wieght or that one is "scary skinny". Most of all, if I have nothing nice to say, I try not to say anything. - 5/13/2011   3:22:56 PM

It's a real problem, even for an obese person to think negatively about people who are noticeably larger than they are. I've been working hard and have lost 69 pounds in 11 months and sometimes get impatient with those I've left behind, because I forget just how fatiguing it was to carry those 69 pounds and how I didn't pay the slightest attention to what I ate and seldom about how much of it I consumed. I try to encourage those I see who are at an earlier stage in the process than I am and let them know that it can be done, but it can be frustrating to deal with those who continue trying to follow fad diets and refuse to altar their caloric intake the rest of the time they are not following a fad diet. My neighbor and I were the same weight last summer, I even got him to join SP, but I don't think he ever did a thing after joining. - 5/12/2011   10:36:38 PM

It does seem that obesity is the last acceptable prejudice. There will always be people who bolster their own self-esteem at the expense of others. At the same time it seems that people have become more excepting of their own weight problem and don't recognize that they are overweight. They wear the same tight styles as slim people stretched over their bodies and are not embarressed that every roll is outlined. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad. The fashion industry is fostering this attitude by designing clothes for the overweight (that's good) but it amazes me when stylists on fashion networks pull overweight women aside and tell them that their cloths are to big, then strap them into tight clothes that are straining at the seams! Are we closing our eyes to our weight problems because we can wear the same revealing clothes as slim people? - 5/10/2011   10:32:21 AM

I don't think people should be made fun of for their size, but people should be called out on their unhealthy choices. It is rarely ever an issue with genetics, but much more commonly a lifestyle choice that lead them to that direction. That is not to say that they explicitly chose to be fat, but there needs to be an acknowledgement that for someone to get to a point of obesity, they have to have made very bad choices to get there.

Lots of skinny people have unhealthy habits too and develop problems due to this. Nobody should get a free pass of making bad decisions.

The solution is not to stigmatize these people and tell them they are lazy and stupid for making these decisions, but rather making them acknowledge that they have made unhealthy choices, and help people educate one another about healthy alternatives. - 5/9/2011   5:20:15 PM

Hey Wildflower,
Thanks for answering my "asinine question" that those three plates at the buffet were for your husband and 2 kids. GREAT ANSWER! Whatever you have to tell yourself.
I'll say it again: "We are all adults and we make our own choices."
I choose not to go to buffets. I choose to exercise and eat healthy.
And it was a rhetorical question. - 5/7/2011   12:24:37 AM

I agree with this article, for the most part. I disagree that people who choose to be fat are going to deal with dire consequences. When are people going to learn that fat does not equal unhealthy, and thin certainly does not equal healthy? If we are going to be a culture of personal responsibility, let people be who they are and deal with the consequences, IF any. If someone chooses not to hop on the bandwagon of the so-called "healthy lifestyle," respect them!!! And don't try to encourage them to make healthier choices (according to you), and don't try to scare them into thinking they are going to die. And if someone does choose to lose weight, let them do it in a way that works for them. It's important to not make fun of people and treat them as less than human beings. It's also important to respect people and let them be who they are and live with the choices they make. - 5/6/2011   1:56:24 PM

Gimme a break. Does being overweight make you stronger because you have to deal with ridicule? Sure. If you weren't overweight would someone probably find something else to ridicule you for? Sure. I am overweight and I don't treat overweight people any differently when I meet them or interact with them, but you are ultimately responsible for your own health and your childrens health. We need to stop being so PC and nicey nice. Overweight people are out of control and keep making unhealthy choices because they're easier than working out, cooking at home, etc. I know, because I was the same way. - 5/6/2011   11:13:26 AM

This is so true of how other people can hurt you to the core! However, when I know that I am doing something about my health, and I realize it will take time, I honestly don't care what comments they make. It only shows how cruel they can be!! I just pray for them, and ask God to forgive them. - 5/6/2011   2:10:02 AM

Well, how I deal with that sort of stigma is that i just hold my head up high. I get my manicures and pedicures just like the next woman (whether they are skinny or plus size). I know that I'm beautiful inside and out. I show that in my everyday routine. I wear nice clothes and shoes. I wear makeup to special occasions. What I'm trying to get at is that you have to love yourself first before you can make that transformation on your body. When you are at peace with yourself, it does not matter what others think about you. Because eventually they will think you are something special too. You just have to show it. - 5/5/2011   4:19:42 PM

I will continue to do what I can as I can... this is where change begins... Only the best to everyone keep on the weight loss road. - 5/5/2011   2:41:24 PM

I was taught to never make fun of anyone, because I would not like it if it happened to me. I was the extremely thin kid naturally and people of normal to larger in size did the same ridicule as they did the fat kids in class. Everyone should learn not to pass judgment on size or anything else that makes us different. My aunt's thyroid ceased to work for her when she was young and people told her what a shame she WAS so beautiful. Guess what they were saying is she is not anymore. To me she is just as cute and sweet even if she become a size 6 again. - 5/5/2011   11:56:21 AM

There is no lobby or political focus group for the overweight, so we are fair game. Today most people don't make jokes about people who were "fair game" when I was a kid. I don't know that people were less sensitive ---just unaware of the hurt it caused. Most of us know better now. We no longer tell Polish jokes, or jokes about Jews, or African Americans ---or jokes that make ANY one group of people look stupid ---but I hear lots of jokes (on Leno for example) about fat people. There is certainly enough material out there to poke fun at the behaviors of celebrities and politicians (who have indeed chosen to put themselves in the public eye and sometimes choose outrageous behaviors) that comedians could certainly leave the overweight alone.

Studies have shown that making fun of or belittling fat people does not change their eating behaviors. They have to want to change or be forced to change by medical conditions, much as a smoker, drinker, or drug addict has to want to change. And of course, being overweight makes it difficult for people to exercise and when they don't exercise, they become more overweight which makes it even harder to move.

Bullying of any kind is just downright mean. At least schools are making some attempt to address the problem, whereas they used to just ignore it.

I was not overweight as a child, yet my grandmother called me her little "butterball." Maybe she thought it was endearing, but I hated it when she said it ---so it's not only kids who do it. Lots of husbands/wives use worse insults against their spouses. - 5/5/2011   9:32:04 AM

Great blog Beth! - 5/5/2011   8:11:20 AM

I often think that what I endured in early childhood from peers would be bullying now. I came from a family that was not wealthy, but was always clean, taken care of and LOVED. Yet now in my 60's I remember the names I was called, etc. Looking back I was not fat (5"7" and 138 upon graduation) but started a lifetime of yoyo weight loss. I finally can go to my reunions again and everyone treats me very well so I now realize it was childhood meanness. Please teach your children and grandchildren about kindness and not bullying. be sure they see your good examples. - 5/4/2011   11:10:56 PM

This is a very thought provoking blog. - 5/4/2011   8:07:31 PM

Awesome blog! People are so judgemental at times, myself included at times when I was younger I have to admit - I guess its a little bit of human nature, we see things the way we think they should be and don't understand why others dont do the same?.
It occurs in all sorts of situations, not just the 'fatty' thing. I recall one time as a young girl working in a big office block and the "rule" of the office was that if you were going up 1 floor or down 2 floors you were to take the stairs, not the lifts. One of the girls I was in the lift with made a comment along the lines of 'dont be lazy, its only one level' to a lady who got in the lift to ride one floor. Now this lady looked healthy and slim. She turned around to my co-worker and said, "honey, I'd be happy to trade backs with you". Turns out she had been in an accident and walking, let alone climbing stairs was very painful for her. I have always remembered that and am very careful not to judge before finding out the facts.
On the other end of the scale, at the same office, we had a lady who Id have to say was morbidly obese. It always saddened me - she was a lovely, lovely lady, and very pretty, but she had this bulk of a body (she was nearly a metre in diameter alone). But, what always annoyed me was at work she told everyone and they believed her about this gland problem which meant she couldnt lose weight. What she seemed to have forgotten, or just didnt recognise me, is that before I got my job I worked after school in her local dairy. She would come in before work and after work and buy enough junk to feed an army. and she did it most days. I never told anyone, or called her on it in private even but that was why she was fat, the choices she made, she may have had gland issues also, but her choices did not help. Sadly, but I guess not unexpectedly, she died of a massive heart attack at around 40yrs old. Her colleagues noticed she wasnt at work in the morning which was unusual for her not to have called so went to check on her and found her, had been out in the garden overnight. Always wonder if I should have called her on her food choices, maybe make her think about them at least. - 5/4/2011   5:22:53 PM

Wildflower I was thinking that too, but i didnt have kids but I was thinking that but really who cares ?

As for being born that way ,, we are born with the same number of fat cells , they get bigger or grow smaller, and how we are raised and such determines alot , Part of me was how I was raised ,, having to clean up my plate or no dessert kind of thing or as I posted earlier I ate out of pure emotion , not that any of this is an excuse but if I had the knowledge then like I do now how to deal with issues, things would have turned out alot differently - 5/4/2011   4:24:01 PM

As you measure it out to others you will receive it back to yourselves. I believe that a charitable spirit toward other overweight people is essential to my own weight loss. To some extent, we ARE born this way! Yes, by being determined and consistent, I can improve my health and eventually weigh less, but some of the factors that led to my current condition were out of my control. Not to mention the fact that no one can tell by looking how much weight you or I have lost lately or how hard we are working on it! Or how discouraged we may be by the constant battle! Let's all be kinder to each other. - 5/4/2011   4:02:44 PM

After reading a post here that pointed out someones asinine point of view....

"well if I see a fat person at a buffet with three plates what am i supposed to think"

I have to comment. I go to the buffet maybe once a year and when I do I am commonly seen with 3 plates in my hand, and yes, I am fat.

Let me tell you why I have three plates... I have a husband who is watching our two children at the table because taking all of them out and letting them grab food at the buffet is a nightmare! I fill all three plates with a healthy balanced meal rather than having my children load them with pizza and desserts.


So think what you will about me and my three plates... I'm happy to carry them! - 5/4/2011   3:20:27 PM

I know I was not born over weight but born under weight, in fact , even though my doctor as a child told my parents I was over weight at the age of 8 years old, thats where it all began,,, I lived my life in a shadow, of condemnation ,, I was judged by my family , by my peers, by friends of my parents,

I was taken to my first weight watchers meeting when I was 11 years old!! a friend of my mom pressured her into putting me on a liquid diet when I was in high school. My first year of college , my brothers advice to me : " Dont eat the cafeteria food its loaded with carbs and college guys dont date fat girls" so what did I do went to a "Medical clinic" and survived on 490 calories a day .

And looking back of pictures when I was a child and in high school I was not fat!!!!

Because of judgment from family , peers, strangers etc,,, I grew up with rejection , low self esteem I am just now knowing how to love myself, I married a man who loves me no m atter what , but it still hu rts!

I saw peoples comments and I am not going to call any out by name,, one person on here said , well if I see a fat person at a buffet with three plates what am i supposed to think , my answer is : ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!

i never carried three plates in a buffet but I was one who is a recovering emotional eater and would try to stuff down all the hurt with food, if i see a person like that in the buffet I dont judge t hem I see a hurting person just like I was a few years ago , I am learning how to handle my emotional eating and if we ever go to buffets Im alot wiser in my choices ,

this blog brought me to tears because I can empathize like alot of people here can , being overweight for me was not a choice , true , I did not make great choices when I was older and I blame no one any more , its up to me to change things but in order to do that I had to deal with the issues on the inside first. and I am making prog ress!! - 5/4/2011   10:26:47 AM

it is always difficult to disregard and not take such judgements and/or attacks personally whether or not the particular attack is directed at me personally or someone else.

or whether the judgement and/or attack were directed at, say an alcoholic or drug addict or someone who picks their nose compulsively, or whatever _____________ is being attacked/judged or picked on.

or if the person wears the symbols or garments of their chosen religion.

or if the person were left handed or right handed... or does not have the trappings of modern society & money, such as cell phones, designer clothes/cars, etc...

people make the judgements/attacks.

should we condone it?

it is difficult to change these kinds of things and this is why we have to have the courage to say enough is enough... I stand against this and btw, here's are some ideas on how to stand against this pervasive fatitude attitude and bashing that is regularly heaped on people who are overweight.

Kudos to you Beth and to everyone who has stood up and said so, here, now. Please continue to have the courage to do what you can as you can... this is where and how change begins... - 5/3/2011   3:53:28 PM

Perhaps we should consider the difference between shame and guilt. When one has done something wrong, feelings of guilt are appropriate, but need to have limits. Nobody needs to feel guilty about existing, even if that existence is in a shape not approved of by society. Shame on the other hand, is universally unhealthy -- for both the person who feels the shame and those thoughtless jerks who attempt to shame them. People who attempt to shame fat people are often pretty successful -- doesn't it feel good to be able to "help" other people feel bad about themselves? The purpose of that shaming is to demonstrate one's own virtue. In reality, we are all responsible for our behavior but we don't "choose" to be fat. Being fat is a moral transgression in our society. Each of us, fat or thin, is a product of a complex set of forces that have shaped a life. Some of those forces are under conscious control, some are not. Simple decency says you don't try to shame another person. You clean your own house before looking to the dirt in others' houses. - 5/3/2011   2:48:05 PM

Great post. I have a morbidly obese coworker who is fairly consistently pointed at/ commented on by children ( I work in a museum). I keep wondering what's going on with the parents/teachers? Making fun of people is never right and making fun of people for something that is difficult to change is even worse. I admire her fortitude for dealing with this on a daily basis with so much grace and you for encouraging people to accept themselves. As far as getting healthy goes- how much effort are we really going to put in if we don't love ourselves as we are in this very moment? - 5/3/2011   1:52:24 PM

re: grandmajo09's comment, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Apparently you were born that way, and never did learn manners. - 5/3/2011   1:44:02 PM

I thought the article was great and I appreciate your time and insight. I am fat. And I am beautiful. Do I like being fat? No. Does it hinder me in certain ways? Yes. Do I consciously think to myself "I want to be fat today"? No. I have a life, as a single mom I have 3 jobs, 4 kids, and Im constantly strugling to get by. My focus is always on where our next meal will come from, can I pay the mortgage, how can I afford clothes, so forgive me if what Im putting in my mouth happens to be the last thing on my mind. For those saying we CHOOSE to be fat, I think thats plain ignorance. Yes, lifestyle changes are the means to the end, but just because I happen to be more concerned about getting through each day with my familys' well-being intact, does NOT mean I am choosing to be fat. That is a judgement, which is exactly what this article was addressing. Dont judge. Walk a mile in my shoes and then tell me how it can be done better. At least I am conscious of my shortcomings. And I want to make changes. Why dont you commend us for trying versus condemning us because you think we can "do more". - 5/3/2011   12:09:30 PM

What a WONDERFUL blog post! Thank you for being so forthright and for the practical go-to advice you put out there. It is sobering to realize that the stigma attached to weight is so entrenched in our society that we have to be reminded of the person behind the body. You say some universally true things that I firmly stand behind; thanks for being confident and courageous! - 5/3/2011   11:23:05 AM

As the mother of two teenaged girls who recently went to prom, I have to agree that fat bias is VERY strong. I have one daughter that is a size 16. It was virtually impossible to find a dress in her size in any of the regular stores. (and the ones available were AWFUL) What irked and disappointed me, was these same stores..had plenty of choices in size 0. Now, one look at the statistics says that people are gaining weight, so why do these stores insist on catering only to one side of the scale, but not the other? Surely, the demand for a size 16 is probably much more in demand, than a size 0 would be. It was heartbreaking to see my daughter go through this. These stores should be ashamed of themselves. It's this sort of stuff that reinforces a negative body image..that often lead to unhealtier habits. - 5/3/2011   11:18:15 AM

You are right on, Beth! ALL people should be respected. God loves us, one and all. - 5/3/2011   10:26:14 AM

People still tease me in public and they don't know me. They don't know I've lost 145 pounds. They don't know I work out with degenerative disease, herniated disks, pinched nerves, arthritis and fibromyalgia. No, they judge me and make comments. If they had ANY idea of the pain I go through and the perseverance I show, they might think differently. Knowing humanity, however, they would just judge me for getting fat and having problems in the first place.


It isn't about being born one way or another. My use of the quote was about self love. If all you got out of that whole quote was that people are born fat... well, I just don't know what to say.

"I believe the SENTIMENTS in the following song apply to everyone, BIG OR SMALL. To quote Lady Gaga:

““There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are"
She said, "'cause He made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way.”"



- 5/3/2011   8:30:38 AM

People will always treat people who are not like them - differently.

Being morbidly obese is a very hard way to live. Of course people are going to look at us. It is ugly. I hate being this way. But trying to get people to change the way they think about me - is not a priority high on my list. I have to change myself - because I am not healthy.

I am overweight for a lot of reasons. I like to eat. I love sedentary activities. I haven't found the exercise that I love and therefore don't expend the energy I need to in order to compensate for my calorie intake. For 24 years I have battled this unsuccessfully. My mother was overweight after giving birth to 5 babies. My father gained his weight later in life. My grandparents were all overweight most of their lives (based on photo's I have of them). Most of my siblings are as well - except for the one who starves herself on a regular basis.

Even though I have empathy for other folks who are overweight (because no one really likes to be this way) - and I teach my children to not make fun or tease people because of it, I really believe it does come down to the choices we make and we are responsible.

Granted - my doctor just upped my thyroid hormone meds - and since that last increase I have lost 30 pounds - but - I also have stuck to eating only veggies, lean meats, whole grains and fruits with a little dairy thrown in - completely cutting out sugar, processed foods and fats (eating only about 1200-1500 calories a day). So a lack in thyroid hormone didn't cause me to gain over 100 pounds. I still have a very long way to go - at least another 70 pounds. Everyday it is a battle.

You said 'heavy people are not weak.' You are right -
It isn't fair to generalize - but ... I am very weak.

You said babies are not born fat? My father was 15lbs 15 oz when he was born (and grew to be a man over 6'4" - and was not considered a fat adult until he was in his late 50's). I was over 9 pounds. 2 of my sons were over 10 pounds ( and I was at a normal weight when I had them - but I praise God that both of them have inherited their father's metabolism and are thin and healthy ( and tall 6'2 and 6'5"). I gained my weight as a stay at home mom who stopped being active and moving around and enjoyed eating too much.

I guess I am tired of the excuses we make for ourselves as obese people. Yeah - it is very hard to be overweight - but the facts are - I did this to myself - I have no one to blame but me - so I need to get over it and make the changes necessary to be healthy again.

Besides - at that point, people will just find something else to make fun of me for.

- 5/3/2011   6:36:54 AM

sorry but not too many babies are born overweight ..that's all I'm saying so no you were not born that way.. - 5/3/2011   12:37:38 AM