9 Things You Should Never EVER Say to Your Husband


By: , – Erin Whitehead
  :  75 comments   :  1,234,469 Views

Communication is the foundation of any good marriage. When you're with someone day in, day out, for years on end, issues are bound to crop up. If you think a topic warrants a discussion, you should absolutely feel comfortable discussing it with your husband. But when it comes to certain hot-button issues, like friends, weight and the bank account, you might want to tread lightly. From serious to silly, here are nine things you should probably never say to your husband.  

1. "I hate your best friend."

Even if you have a beef with his obnoxious best friend, odds are they've got quite the history. Think how you'd feel if your husband despised your BFF—and made that known. If he (or she) isn't your favorite person but is harmless enough, suck it up for the sake of their friendship. If you make sure they get plenty of buddy time by not getting jealous when they go watch a game, you won't be forced to spend too much time with him and odds are you'll be able to get a pedicure guilt-free. If there are legitimate concerns, like said friend still likes to bar hop while you prefer your hubby be home, air those concerns without making it personal.

2. "Ryan Gosling is hot." (for the hundredth time)

Hubby probably didn't mind the first few times you gushed about how hunky you find Ryan Gosling. But he doesn't need to see you fanning yourself every time you see a preview with your favorite Hollywood hunk. Besides, you know he finds Jennifer Lawrence drool-worthy, but you don't need to hear it every time you see her flash on the screen, do you?

3. "I hate when you..."

Oftentimes it's not what your complaint is but how that complaint comes across when you air it that gets a conversation off to a bad start. Starting out with "hate" is a surefire way to put someone on the defensive. Likewise, accusing someone of "always" or "never" doing something is a confrontation waiting to happen. "This bothers me" comes across less harshly and positions you both to discuss the situation than any of those other loaded words.

4. "Is your hair thinning?"

He has a mirror. He has eyes. Odds are, he knows if his once-thick locks aren't quite as luxurious as they once were. Don't mention it unless he specifically comes to you seeking advice. If he is insecure about it, mention Bruce Willis. Hello, hottie!

5. "You need to start working out." & 6. "You need to lose weight."

Whenever weight is an issue, the person bringing up the topic needs to be sensitive to the other. It's fine to be concerned about a partner's weight gain and to broach the subject, but to spout directives as to what they "need to do" to take care of the problem could open up a can of worms and make you come across as bossy and controlling. Instead, you could mention that you've noticed that he has gained a few pounds and you've been trying to figure out how you can get more active or eat healthier meals. Make it a partnership of support, rather than weighty accusations for a much smoother conversation.  Learn more about helping the people you care about get healthy.

7. "That's all you ran/lifted/worked out?"

Don't belittle someone's efforts; be glad they're making an effort to work out and get healthy (and likely, look good for you)! A simple "way to go!" gives encouragement to your partner's efforts.

8. "I wish you made more money."

He probably wishes that, too. And likely, I bet he wishes you made more money as well. Saying something like this is only going to discourage him and make him feel inadequate. Instead, take responsibility yourself. Money can be a big area of contention in a relationship, but saying something like "I'm going to ask for a raise; I think you should too" or "Let's take a look at our budget to see if we can make any cuts" gets to the heart of the matter without being accusatory or belittling.

9. "We are not buying that."

Most couples have money rules they follow, like not making big purchases without involving the other person. If he's looking at the newest big screen TV or smartphone but hasn't broached the subject and had a serious purchasing discussion, he's likely in the early stages of dreaming about that object of his affection. Let him look and enjoy the idea rather than crushing his technology (or other "toy") dreams. If he truly wants it, he'll bring it up—and you can discuss it then.
There should never be a pink elephant in the room when it comes to your marriage, and airing concerns is a fundamental part of the partnership. Just make sure you consider how you'd want to be approached on a topic before you bring it up to him because guys are sensitive souls, too. And just between us: How about that Ryan Gosling?

Have you learned from experience something you'll never—ever—say to your husband again?

About the Author

Erin Whitehead is a health and fitness enthusiast who co-founded the popular website FitBottomedGirls.com and co-wrote The Fit Bottomed Girls Anti-Diet book (available May 2014). Now busier than ever with two kids, she writes about healthy pregnancy and parenting at FitBottomedMamas.com.

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  • YMWONG22
    Good to know. - 4/23/2017   10:56:14 PM
  • 74
    Good grief. Was this article taken from a 1960's magazine at a check-out stand? What on earth happened to Sparkpeople? - 4/19/2017   9:07:57 PM
  • 73
    Good information - 4/19/2017   8:46:31 PM
    Think first! - 4/10/2017   2:51:20 PM
  • 71
    Not only not to say to your husband but to ANYONE - 4/8/2017   10:20:25 AM
  • 70
    It seems pretty obvious (to me). I wouldn't say those things to Anyone! - 4/7/2017   3:09:12 PM
  • 69
    Interesting - 4/6/2017   9:47:01 AM
  • 68
    This definitely goes both ways. Being in a loving supportive relationship is what I aspire too. Maybe someday. - 4/4/2017   11:39:34 AM
  • 67
    interesting - 4/4/2017   9:37:55 AM
  • 66
    Not my favorite article. - 4/1/2017   11:07:57 PM
  • 65
    Epic fail - 3/30/2017   4:56:06 AM
    Great idea - 3/29/2017   9:47:10 PM
  • 63
    Good article! - 3/29/2017   7:15:02 PM
  • 62
    Wow, is it 1950's again with the crazy sexist stereotypes in this article?

    Please, this is meant to be a sensible, accessible website for weightloss and health and fitness, not some cliche fluff magazine. - 3/29/2017   2:33:27 PM
  • 61
    This article seemed really out of place, when compared to other articles on the site. When I read it, I had to look twice to make sure I was on SP. Kind of disappointed to see this here. - 3/29/2017   2:08:46 PM
  • 60
    This article seemed out of place and really immature. - 3/29/2017   11:11:33 AM
  • YMWONG22
    I guess the same goes for the wife as well. - 3/29/2017   9:51:41 AM
    I am so sick of what we are not to say to our men, but they can say anything to us even if it cuts to our souls. Why don't they write about what men should not say to their wives. - 3/29/2017   9:39:51 AM
  • 57
    Good to remember ALL this! - 3/29/2017   8:12:51 AM
  • 56
    What Kickingit@56 said. Why feature an article like this? There are people here that actually believe this is fact. - 3/29/2017   8:05:40 AM
  • 55
    The article is good and has good suggestions. - 3/29/2017   6:08:08 AM
  • ZRIE014
    The article is fine. - 3/29/2017   12:10:31 AM
  • 53
    Why is this blog even here? Don't we have enough silly websites which post this kind of simplistic "advice". Human relationships are far more complicated and require more thoughtfulness. - 3/28/2017   11:59:54 PM
  • 52
    In all the years that I was married to my late husband I have never said that to him. Wish that he was still here. - 3/28/2017   10:30:13 PM
  • 51
    I'm amazed at the anger and disgust in these posts. The article is fine. - 3/28/2017   10:25:51 PM
  • 50
    lol, and I don't even know who Ryan Gosling is. - 3/28/2017   10:18:36 PM
  • 49
    No surprises. - 3/28/2017   8:55:33 PM
  • 48
    Obviously this is a redone blog because when reading the comments, I find several references to orgasm and being like one's father which don't seem to be mentioned in this blog. I have the same concern that several others have commented upon. Why is this only what women should not say to their husbands? Communication goes both ways so neither spouse should say these things. - 3/28/2017   6:51:52 PM
    I think that we should NEVER be this insensitive to EACH OTHER. There is a lot to the Golden Rule... - 3/28/2017   6:27:07 PM
  • 46
    I've been married for 42 years and it never occurred to me to say any of those things to my husband, nor has he said those to me.
    When we first got married we set up a few ground rules. One was "no nagging", which takes care of most of the scenarios in this article. The other thing we did was let each of us have our own "mad money" that we can save or spend as we wish - no questions asked, no comments made. If he wants to buy a new tool, fine; it's his money. If I want to buy a new sewing machine, no problem; it's my money. We do have to agree on things that both of us use - appliances, cars, homes, etc. - and make sure we have a method for paying for them. No loans for items under $1000 and no "borrowing" from future earnings. We may not be "keeping up with the Jones family" but we certainly are a lot less stressed, which means less drama and a mellower relationship. - 3/28/2017   4:38:38 PM
  • 45
    another one is I told you so - 3/28/2017   3:39:04 PM
  • 44
    Yes, respect, dignity and honesty - 3/28/2017   1:51:33 PM
  • 43
    If someone has a problem with you, it's their problem, not yours. - 3/28/2017   11:53:45 AM
  • 42
    I get the intention behind this article, but really? SparkPeople can cover many aspects of health, which includes relationships, but to perpetuate sexism and how a woman or wife should be or act around/with her husband. Quite honestly reading the title and the list made me snuff my nose a bit. If anything this should be titled about things you should never say to ANYONE. - 3/28/2017   10:46:07 AM
  • 41
    Please, be more sexist. - 3/28/2017   10:11:44 AM
  • 40
    Not a fan of this one. - 3/28/2017   9:55:34 AM
  • 39
    This is a really lame article on so many levels, starting with: it's not usually a good idea to put "never ever" in the title unless you literally mean "never ever". Like "never ever put a screwdriver in an electrical outlet".

    And most of this advice is a two way street and more along the lines of "Don't be an insensitive A whole." - 3/28/2017   9:16:12 AM
    Seriously? She's telling women to be sensitive and careful about the wording they use to tell their husbands they've gained weight? Turn that around and ask women how they would react if their husband sensitively and with carefully chosen words told the wife she's gained weight and he wants her lose it because he's concerned for her health.

    Really bad advice on that one. Don't bring up his weight unless he brings it up, and then offer support. Ask yourself how you'd feel if, without invitation, under the guise of concern for your health, he told you he's concerned about the pounds you've gained and wants to help you lose it. - 3/28/2017   7:55:10 AM
  • 37
    great - 3/28/2017   7:26:59 AM
  • 36
    Blogs need to be recycled because spaces need to be filled! Same as filling 24 hours of tv, doesn't mean every hour is good or entertaining. - 3/28/2017   4:15:16 AM
  • 35
    Curious why we are recycling older blogs/articles? I read this one several years ago and had saved it. But it's being shown as published March 2017. In any case, it's all still good advice, both for wives talking to husbands, and really, variations of these things shouldn't be said to the wife by the husband (especially if the husband isn't working or there's some other kind of unbalance so far as who brings in the income.). - 3/28/2017   1:12:26 AM
  • 34
    shouldnt this be hubby to wife - 3/28/2017   12:38:38 AM
  • 33
    Dumbest article I ever read - if only because there are other ways to say or intimate the same thing. And it is a two-way street. My husband is a "big brother" and I am a "little sister" and we both tease each other too much. We grew up hating that. It's ok to say it. I've disliked many of his friends and he mine, for a host of reasons. Allow the friendship but don't participate unless it involves you. Doesn't always make for a 4-some but do you do everything with your spouse - I sure hope not. - 12/29/2016   8:59:56 AM
  • 32
    Why is this wife-to-husband? - 8/31/2016   2:06:21 PM
  • 31
    I'm with everyone who doesn't get why you'd say any of these to your partner regardless of gender. - 8/31/2016   11:19:22 AM
  • 30
    Why you would ay any of this to your partner is beyond me. - 9/2/2015   11:13:00 AM
  • 29
    Why the heck anyone would want to browbeat their husbands is beyond me. I love my husband enough to respect him as he does me. Telling him that he needs to work out or anything about his thinning hairline is rude and mean. Some people....phsssh - 5/9/2015   11:01:39 AM
    If anyone thinks that their spouse should come before their kids, I feel sorry for their kids. My spouse is an adult and is responsible for his own needs being met. My children are children, I am responsible for their needs being met. Besides, marriages come and go, children are forever. - 4/17/2015   12:10:26 PM
  • 26
    Not all statements that begin with "you always..." are negative. I tell my husband, "You always know how to talk me out of a funk/cheer me up when I'm down/make me laugh," because he knows exactly what to say to talk me down from an emotional bridge. We are a team, and building each other up makes our team function better. Neither of us expects the other to lose weight or look a certain way, but since I'm doing SparkPeople, we're both eating healthier at home. We try to always be complimentary of each other, to listen and communicate clearly (which can be difficult because we both can bottle things up), and to think through major decisions together. Our marriage may not have a lot of years on it (yet), but I like to think that it will stand the test of time because we both put 100% into our team. - 9/9/2014   3:37:15 PM

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